My Journey to God

When I was born, I was a month early; I was breached and strangled by the umbilical cord.  The doctors told my parents that if I lived; I’d probably be mentally retard, deaf and blind.  They were told to more or less to leave me at the hospital and forget they had a daughter.    Fortunately, for me, God gave me a set of awesome parents who loved me and who refused to give up on me.
        When I was 2, I was diagnosed with Cerebrally Palsy.  My parents got me all the resources I needed.  When it came time for me to start school, they wanted the best for me there too.  They chose to send me to a Catholic school.  My parents weren’t currently going to church when I was born.  When I was 7 the family joined the church.
        I was brought up with 5 brothers.  I really wasn’t treated differently because of my CP, but because I was the only girl.  I had as many, if not more, opportunities as the boys had.
      I guess  I was about 12 or so when  I began to understand that I would always be disabled; up until them I honestly thought I would “outgrow”  my CP.  I didn’t want to want to be disabled.  I loved God, but really could not understand why He’d made me disabled and how he could possible a person who was as broken as I was.    I suffered from depression and some emotional problems.  When I was 18, I spent 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital.    While I was there, our priest came and visit me and he let me know that it was OK to question God and even be angry    now and then.    I also had the opportunity to attend  a weekend retreat called SEARCH.  Through SEARCH, I learned that God wanted a personal relationship with me, just as I am: CP and all.    I didn’t have good enough to earn God’s love, you can’t earn God’s love it’s a gift freely given – we just have to accept it.
        I started Middle Tennessee University in the fall of 1993.  My major was Social Work.  I really wanted to help people; however I also had a bigger dream.  I wanted to be a wife and mother.  I didn’t know if I could even have kids, nor did I know if some guy could love me with the CP  I really began to pray that I would meet my “soul mate”.
       In May of 1997, I took a 3 week philosophy class.  I met this guy there and I just knew he was “the one”.  He however, had different plans; he just wanted to ne “friends”.  So for a year, we were just that; friends.  I used to pray and cry myself to sleep and night, just hoping he’d fall in love with me.  He eventually did, and we were married on Nov. 7, 1998.  Looking back, I really do thank God for that year.  It gave us time to grow and get to know each other better.  Marriage is a big responsibility; especially when there are issues involved that are outside of the norm.
        I become pregnant on our honeymoon.  I was just about to turn 25 and we didn’t know if I could even have children.  God blessed us with 2; Dalton was born on July 13, 1999 and Bobbye sue was born on September 5, 2002.   I am a stay-at-home-mom.    When I was 6 months pregnant with Bobbye Sues, I was put in the hospital because of preterm labor.  I was in the hospital for 2 months before she was born.  She was perfectly healthy.
         I love being a wife and mother.  It’s a challenge at times.  We get weird looks whenever we go out as a family.  As the kids get older, it is  obvious to them and their friends that we are not the typical family and as they grow we may have more challenges to face because of my CP,  but we know that we will continue to trust God and that even when the way seam rough, He will be our guide.