Mental Health Mondays: My Definition of My Mental Health

 

Photo by PNGTREE

According to the  Mayo Clinic

Mental health is the overall wellness of how you think, regulate your feelings and behave. Sometimes people experience a significant disturbance in this mental functioning. A mental disorder may be present when patterns or changes in thinking, feeling or behaving cause distress or disrupt a person's ability to function. A mental health disorder may affect how well you:

• Maintain personal or family relationships
• Function in social settings
• Perform at work or school
• Learn at a level expected for your age and intelligence
• Participate in other important activities

Cultural norms and social expectations also play a role in defining mental health disorders. There is no standard measure across cultures to determine whether a behavior is normal or when it becomes disruptive. What might be normal in one society may be a cause for concern in another.

That being said, I think most people have their own idea of what mental health is.  Now I'm not saying that a diagnosis isn't important; it is VERY  important!!! However, each mental illness affects the patient differently.  I am Bi-Polar, and my sister (this is just an example) is also Bi-Polar.  I get depressed and manic to the point of crying, yelling, and pulling my hair out.  She goes on a wild girl's night out one night;  she's bouncing off the walls and the start of the night and crying (to the point of sobbing) into her beer at the end of the night. Her symptoms occur for 2 or 3 days a month, whereas mine occurs for a couple of weeks a month.

Ok, this example is a bit extreme, but you get my drift...

The point is, I know what my mental illness is.  I don't why  I'm  Bi-Polar or why I react the way I do when  I have a  Bi-Polar episode, but I know what it means to me.

This is also true about my Cerebral Palsy.  I don't why it happen or why my body reacts to the CP, but I know my definition of what CP means to me.

It is very important to be aware of any illnesses we have.

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Mental Health: The Art of Being Alone

 Having a mental illness is very lonely.

It is said, we all die alone.

But, for the most part, we all live alone too.

People without a mental illness can't understand why a person with a mental illness thinks the way they do.

My mind is constantly racing:  Did I say thank you to that person who held the door open for me?  If I thought the way so and so did I'd be happy.  I wouldn't have dropped my drink on the ground if only I'd paid more attention.  If I prayed more I wouldn't have impure thoughts.  If I was a better friend, that person feel so alone.

IF...IF...IF....

I worry that my thinking is flawed and somehow that makes me a worse person than others. 

Because others can't understand my way of thinking, I feel constantly judged by them.

The thing about being alone is that the longer you're alone, the more used to being alone you get.  If you're alone long enough, you may get to the point where you prefer it that way.

I take several different medicines for my mental illness.  Many of the meds make me tired.  However, if I don't take my meds, my mental illness gets worse; thus it is a trade-off.

I can be alone and not have my mental illness hurt others OR  I can be with others and risk hurting them because I'm mentally ill.

UHM...

I would rather be alone than hurt the ones I love.  

But, do I have enough strength to perfect the art of being alone???

Thankful Thursday: Barrett

 

Photo by Poxabay 

Today is Barrett's birthday (Yes, I call my husband by his last name; have since we met).

You know, every once in a while,  you meet someone who changes your life FOREVER!!!

There is a big difference between being friends with someone who is disabled and being married to someone who is disabled; especially when that person has a mental illness., also.

They willing take on a responsibility that abled-bodied couples don't assume.

Barrett took this on whole heartily  He loved me even when I thought   I would never experience a love like that.

While the physical aspect of a disability is taunting in itself, when you add a mental illness to the mix, it's a whole new ball game.

And he has stuck by me through everything; even though I know there are days, hours, even minutes where he wants to walk away, forever.

But, he hasn't.

That's true love.  I am so thankful he loves and stand by me.

Mental Health Mondays: Aftermath

 

Photo by Clipart Library

Happy New Year!

The holidays are officially behind us and unfortunately, I suffered some mental episodes.  I am highly embarrassed by this. 

One of the things about my mental illness is that I truly believe that these episodes will never happen again.  I try to convince others of this too.

You can only promise people something so many times before they stop believing you.

It's not so much they stop believing you as it is the fact that they stop getting their hopes up that you will change.

They are protecting themself from getting hurt again. (I truly never realized this before I wrote this sentence.)

People have a hard time understanding themselves, let alone understanding others.

Sometimes, most times, I see where others are trying to protect themselves as them rejecting me.

This is when I need to run, lock myself in my prayer closet and stay there until GOD has strengthened me again.

Be patient for my next blog, I may be in there for a while.😊🥺

Mental Health Monday: The Demons and the Pigs

 

Luke 8:26--39 tells us the beloved story of the man who lived in the tombs because he was possessed by a legion of demons and JESUS drove them into a herd of pigs who jumped off the cliff and drowned in the lake.

Now people have several opinions of the occurrence:

     -Some people say this story is clearly saying that this man is  demon-possessed, and does not have a mental illness.

    -Some people believe that this man does have a mental illness.

    -Some people don't believe in mental illness; and that mental illness is definitely not talked about in the Bible - which it is, BTW.

    -Some people think that sin causes mental illness.

    -Some people recognize mental illness as a true medical issue, and that has nothing to do with sin. (*Side note~some sins does lead to medical & other problems*)

 Regardless, of what you believe, JESUS healed this man of his demons.

And HE can heal people who have a mental illness.

However, HE doesn't always heal people. 

Many people stop believing in JESUS if they aren't healed.

    -Some people say you're not healed because your faith  isn't strong enough.

Sometimes, JESUS uses our mental health as part of our ministry

In Luke 8:28 we learn that demon-possessed man asked; "What do you want with me, JESUS, SON of the most High GOD?  I beg you don't torture me"

Are we asking GOD what HE wants from us; what HE wants from me?

Now, I know that HE doesn't "need" anything from me EVER!!!

I do owe HIM my love and respect; whether HE ever heals me or not.  I may end up being crazier than a betsy bug, so I ask that someone please remind me to praise GOD when  I can't remember to.

Mental Health Monday: The Cost of Mental Health

 

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According to MedCityNews,  in the USA, the behavioral health market is valued at $90.5  billion in 2022 and Precedence Research predicts the cost of mental health to grow in excess of $130 billion in 2027.

But there is a greater cost to mental health.

On that is closer to the heart...The personal cost...The cost pulls at the heartstrings,  not just the purse strings.

For me. the greatest cost of my mental health has been my. relationships with others.

Some relationships can never be repaired.

Words are like a tube of toothpaste; once they come out, they can't go back in again.

"I'm sorry" is like salt that loses its flavor; it's useless.

Sometimes, I don't know where my mental health ends and where my selflessness begins.

What has your mental health cost you?

Mental Health Mondays -My Shame

Photo by Kissclipart

 

 The term "mental illness" holds a negative perceptions.  It is a lot better than it was 20 years ago,  but progress is still on the horizon..  I have been coping with mental illness for as long as I can remember - long before I was diagnosed  as Bi-polar.  There are things  I did that may have been cause by my Bi-polar, but I will still be held accountable for my actions.  There have been things I could have said and done better.

We need to bring an informational spark when we talk about mental health.  For one, the term "crazy" is thrown around way too much, and I am the first one to call myself "crazy".

People are made to feel guilty about their disabilities; especially their mental issues. I can only speak for myself, but I hate to disappoint others and feel like a burden to them.  I feel like I did something to deserve to be  disabled; like I had done something terribly wrong.

I know that  I had NOTHING to do with becoming disabled.

Why/ how can I feel guilty about something I had nothing to do with.

I am constantly apologizing  for things I did or didn't do. 

Now that I think about it, apologizing for what I can  or can't do is taking away from what God can do thru my disabilities.

I need to start thinking about my disabilities this way

Mental Health Monday ~ Listening To My Voices

 

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I HEAR VOICES!

Now, before you jump to conclusions (Mama), they aren't telling me that I'm an alien who seeks world domination. (those are, of course, confidential!!!)

I do, however, hear the voices of doubt...regret... self-loathing...pride...insecurities...blame...and...and...the list goes on and on and on...

Yes, these voices are audible.  Sometimes the voices are ones I recognize and sometimes they aren't.

They are constantly telling me that I'm a failure. That nothing I ever do is good enough.  The voices say that if you had acted or said something in another way; the "correct" way, you'll be liked and accepted. 

Musician John Spence said that "We often talk to ourselves in ways that we would never let a stranger or even a close friend talk to us."

We put ourselves down.  We don't feel like we're worthy enough to feel good about ourselves.  Sometimes, others put us down and other times our surroundings and the things around us dictate our self-worth.   

 I almost feel, no I do feel like I have acceded the number of blessings that a person should get in their lifetime.

I feel bad because I was blessed in ways that other people in my situation were not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for everything I have!!!

But, it makes me wonder, WHY?  What did I do to deserve to be this blessed?

Truth is, I've only achieved what I have through the grace of GOD

Olin Miler, senior finance manager at Amazon, said: "You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do."

Even with friends and family, most of them are too busy and /or self-absorbed to think too much about what we think or feel, and many times, even what we do and say.

John Spence also said; "Some people don't notice the things others do for them until they stop doing them."

My parents taught me to be strong and confident.  I thought I could

conquer the world.  It turns out that conquering that world didn't look like I thought it would.  (I've go to remember, that like Psalm 23

that the LORD is our SHEPARDand that HE leads us in the way we should go.).  HE wants me to conaquer the world for HIM and in HIS timing; not mine

As I got older, as many people do,  I started to listen and believe the lies of the DEVIL.

Sometimes, my Bipolar and its voices make it hard to distinguish right from wrong; fact from fiction.  It's like walking a tightrope over a lion's den; one misstep and you're going to be supper.

Like I said before, I can't blame my Bipolar for my sin.  I have done it millions of times.  God knows the difference between my sins and my mental issues.

The more in tune with GOD  I am, the quieter the voices become.

 

YOU CREATE WHAT YOU FEAR

I've always heard you reap what you sow.  I heard Dr. Phil say "We create what we fear."  When I heard this, I started to think; do I do this?  I have to admit, I think I do.

We all have normal fears.  I'm afraid of falling. ( I don't bounce back like I use to and it also hurts more.)  But most of us, if we're honest with ourselves, have phobias ~ irrational fears ~ that if our left to our on imaginations, can cripple us.

One of my phobias is:

Autophobia, also called monophobia, isolophobia, or eremophobia, is the specific phobia of isolation; a morbid fear of being egotistical, or a dread of being alone or isolated. Sufferers need not be physically alone, but just to believe that they are being ignored or unloved

While I'm not afraid of the act of being left alone for a short time, like when the kids are at school and Barrett is at work, I am afraid of being abandoned and not being able to take care of myself.  When I was little, This fear wase directed at my Mama.  When I got married, the fear was redirected to my husband, Barrett.  When my kids were little I was afraid my kids would be taken away from me because someone would deem me as a unfit mother.

The thing about phobias, at least in my case, is that  my first instinct is to take care of my self.  In doing this, my first reaction is fight or flight.  I get upset and fight for and/or against whatever conflict is facing me so that I can take care of myself.  If I feel like if I'm about to be abandoned, then I'm going to control how and why I'm being abandoned.  If I feel like you're going to hurt me, I'm going to try and hurt you first.

The problem with this, at least for me, is that I can't always correctly perceive another person's reasoning: for example, if Barrett comes home in a bad mood, too often I think he's mad at me, when usually he's just had a bad day.

However, assumption can lead me to react in a negative way.  Thus, this causes whoever I'm reacting to is reacting in a negative way too.  By doing this I am driving a wedge between me and whoever I'm  reacting to.    It's vicious cycle.

Like I said, I've done this all my live and I've burned a lot of bridges doing so.

God is the only one that can "cure" my phobia.  I'm beginning to think He's not going to "cure", He wants to make it part of my ministry...to glorify Him.

Why did it take me so long to figure this out?

SELFISHNESS V. SELF CARE

Growing up I had this idea that as a Christina its was a sin to be selfishness,  Ironically, looking back I realize I was probably the most selfish person EVER.  My selfish, irrational behavior reaped chaos and havoc throughout my childhood home and has continued in our home today; I'm embarrassed to say you know the adage "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"  This so true!  I set the tone for The Barrett's Home Sweet Home.

I have suffer from bipolar depression and perhaps some other mental issues since I was little.  We think some of this is due to a chemical imbalance due to caused by the brain damage I suffered as birth.  I've always kind of use my actions the  are caused by my bipolar to get my way.  It's a cycle.  I want to say (and has said) I'll change, but soon as the next problem happens, everything goes.

It's taken me my whole life to realize that acting like this is part of my coping mechanism.  It gives me control of some sort, where much of my life is out of my control.  But when I lose control of my control, well; let's just say the woman's scorned fury has nothing on me.

This is where Self Care enters in.

When I think of self care, I tend to think that I need to take each thought captive and realize that every thought doesn't need to be expressed.  I need to rem, ember to take a deep breath and think before I speak.  I need  to give myself permission  to take a break; to step out of the situation to gain a clearer perspective.  I need to pray and try to see things through other's eyes if I need to.  I need to pray for myself, because if I can't truly love and pray for myself, how can I love and pray for others?