Thankful Thursday: My Sweet Mama

 

I have the BEST Mama.

I know everyone thinks their mother is the greatest, but...

My mom will be 72 on the 8th.

She and Daddy took a chance on a sick baby who may have been profoundly disabled.  One who they may have to take care of for the rest of their life.  

She has 8 kids; 7 biological and one stepdaughter; 5  boys and 3 girls.  You'd never know it though.

She went to nursing school in her 40's to support her family; working 12-hour night shifts, so that the little kids always had someone at home to take care of them.

She took care of Dalton for about 6 weeks before  Bobbye was born.  (He was 3 and she lives an hour and a half away from us - she kept him during the week. Barret would pick him for the weekend .)

She came and helped take care of me after my hip replacement.

She is helping to take care of a family .friend.

I love my mama!!!

Thankful Thursday: Barrett

 

Photo by Poxabay 

Today is Barrett's birthday (Yes, I call my husband by his last name; have since we met).

You know, every once in a while,  you meet someone who changes your life FOREVER!!!

There is a big difference between being friends with someone who is disabled and being married to someone who is disabled; especially when that person has a mental illness., also.

They willing take on a responsibility that abled-bodied couples don't assume.

Barrett took this on whole heartily  He loved me even when I thought   I would never experience a love like that.

While the physical aspect of a disability is taunting in itself, when you add a mental illness to the mix, it's a whole new ball game.

And he has stuck by me through everything; even though I know there are days, hours, even minutes where he wants to walk away, forever.

But, he hasn't.

That's true love.  I am so thankful he loves and stand by me.

Mental Health Monday: How Isolation is Affected By A Disablity

 

Photo by pixy.org

So, I have COVID again.  I think this is the 3rd time.

I have talked about isolation elsewhere in my blog.  I've heard on the news that experts haven't yet seen how COVID and isolation have and will affect people's mental illness

However, I can talk about my Cerebral Palsy and the isolation that goes along with it.

I think anything that causes you to feel different than others can cause you to feel isolated.

Thus many, probably most of us, feel isolated now and then.

Isolation is lonely.  It's like being stuck on an iceberg,  surrounded by islands.  You know others are there, but you can't get to them.

Remember that feeling as a kid of being picked last (or never) for dodgeball?

Even though I know many disabled people, many people with CP, in my own warped thinking, I think nobody can understand how I feel.

People may call us selfish, but when we are in the thick of their situation, we don't know how we would react.

I think there is a difference between feeling a natural genuine reaction to a problem and feeling sorry for yourself and entitled to something.

Even more than that, I think we need to have compassion for those who feel isolated.  We need to be able to look with love at people and see that they're hurting; not judge them because they're hurting.

So, as we're considering what mental illness looks like in a posted COVID world, and its isolation, we need to be gentle and caring, remembering that we are sailing in uncharted waters.

About Me Tuesday: One Of My Least Favorite Quotes

 Photo by Clipartmax

One of my 3 favorite movies is Steel Magnolias  (along with Beaches and Step-Mom.

One of my all-time least favorite quotes is in Steel Magnolias occurs in the scene where Shelby is telling her mother that she is expecting a baby. M'Lynn is less than enthused. and says:

"You are special, Shelby.  There are limits to what you can do."

I must admit, if this had been my Mama, I think I would have slapped her. (Probably not, because the Norman Boys would have KILLED me!!!)  I wanted to be a Mama all my life.  I can remember Mama telling me that I should focus on being a "doting" Aunt.  (She said this when I was a teenager and I do love my Nieces and Nephews.) 

So, I guess why I struggle with this quote so much is because I can emphasize with Shelby.  I was told that I couldn't and shouldn't have children.

As I said, I wanted to be a mother more than anything.  I knew it wasn't going to be easy.  

Teddy Roosevelt said that "nothing worth having comes easy."  I think most of us agree with this

The other great quote in this scene is when Shelby says; "I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."

Everyone has dreams and challenges.  How much are you willing to give for yours?

I love you, Bryan Barrett

 

o

This picture may have been made a couple of years ago.

OK, OK, maybe a few more...24 to be exact.

When we met in a 2-week summer Philosophy class, we didn't know how much our lives would change.

I had been praying to meet the guy I would marry and spend the rest of my life with.  I knew within 2 weeks that this would be the man that I would spend the rest of my life with.

He was a little less enthused. 

I think he loved me, I know he loved me.

However, it's one thing to fall in love and get married.  Is quite another thing to fall in love and get married to someone with a disability.

SIDE NOTE: I am in no way saying that people can't or shouldn't fall in love and get married, it is just not easy. (I have discussed this many times in this blog.)

I can only speak about our experiences, especially mine.

I can't drive, and as anyone with kids knows, being a chauffeur  is a big part of being a parent.  We were very blessed to have Bryan's Daddy and other parents and friends who could help out.

When we went out as a family, which was a great ordeal, especially when it got harder for me to walk, he proudly carried the weight.  It would have been so much easier for him to do things by himself, but he chose to do things that included us as a family.

He worked hard so that I could stay home with our kids and be the best mother to them I could be. 

He worked hard to give me what I needed to have a more productive life.

Even now, when I have to be in a nursing facility, he does whatever he can to include me.

Even when I'm unlovable...

Even when he doesn't understand everything...

Even when I don't deserve him...

He's still there

Oftentimes, when you're dealing with someone with a disability, illness, or really anything that puts a strain on the family, it's the person with the impairment who seems to get the bulk of the attention.

Sadly, I am the one who got that attention.

Most of the time I selfishly wanted the attention.

I took this away from my children.

But he still loved me, still loves me!!!

 

Thankful Thursday -Gail's Mom

 

Photo by pngtree

I am continuing to give thanks to some of the women who have made an impression on me.

I have 2 friends here at the Waters who are sisters They both have some type of Apraxia. (I think)

I met Gail when I first came to live in the nursing facility.  She's so sweet.  Her condition is much more advanced than her sister, CJ.  Along with her trouble speaking, she's totally physically disabled.  I thought she had Multiple Sclerosis when I first met her.

I'll talk about these sweet ladies in other posts.

Today I want to talk about their mom, Mrs. Jefferys.  

First, let me say it's been a difficult week for me.

My roommate, Sandra , went to live with a caregiver in her home in Hermitage.  I got upset and Aella Saudade may or may not have, made an appearance.

Anyway, Mrs. Jefferys just called to say hello and see how I was doing.  She said she would check on me next time she comes to visit Gail and CJ.

It meant so much to know that someone, out of the clear blue, just called to say she was thinking about me.

Mama always says that she hopes people step in and take care of us when she can't be there.

I've been blessed by a lot of good "Mamas" over the years.  I'm proud and thankful to count Gail's mom as one of my adopted "Mamas".

Wednesday's Word - Envy

 

Photo by Clipart-Library

I am a jealous person.

To be honest, I think most of us are jealous to a certain extent.

What do they say; the grass is always greener?

Jealousy goes back to Cain and Abel in the Bible, which to first murder.

When you're disabled, or at least for me, I would see things other people did or had that I knew I would never have or be able to do.

We always think we would be better off, be a better person if we had something that someone else had.

Are we not good enough?

Did GOD  not create us to be enough?

Yes we sin and we will in a fallen world,  but God created us to be unique.  

Just like people have distinct, unique sets of fingerprints, our personalities are distinct and unique too.

God knows what we can have and deal with.

The secret is not to learn how to be less envious, but rather to be more accepting of who God has made us to be.

About Me Tuesday: My Daddy

 

Yesterday, Oct 24,2022, would have been my Daddy's 77th birthday.

I was a Daddy's girl (except when my Mama was around 🤣!)

He was my first encourager.  My parents were told to leave me at the hospital and forget about me.  He said "Not my daughter."

He helped me overcome all the limitations that were placed on me.

When I started to walk, I was a little wobbly, just a little bit.

My Daddy was a big man - he was 6'7.  All my friends thought he was a giant.

He would help me walk; when I stumbled, he always caught me; usually before I fell.

Walking with him always made me feel safe

One of my favorite things to do with my Daddy was to debate him: about religion, politics, and current events.  We could talk for hours.

He told me I could do ANYTHING!!!

As I became a teenager, my relationship with my Daddy got rocky.  There are things we both struggled to understand about each other.

He was so proud the day I graduated from college, got married, and had the kids.

I always knew he loved me.

This picture was taken 4 days before he died.

That was the last time I ever saw my Daddy.  

Hard to believe he's been gone 17 years ago.  

I miss and love him every day.

About Me Tuesday ~ A Letter To My Cerebral Palsy

 

`Dear Cerebral Palsy

You are my oldest friend and confidant.  I can't escape you; even when I want to more than anything.  You caused me my first physical pain and also my first heartache.  You took my breath away along with my voice.  When I tried to stand up, you would pull my back down.

As we got older, we had a battle of wills; this is a constant that continues to this day.  

One area that you did not overcome was my intellect.  I loved school.  I was very good at reading and writing; math, not so much.  

When we became teenagers, you invited someone else into our friendship.  Bipolar.

She was jealous of everything we had and the accomplishment that we had made and she drove a wedge between us.  She was bossy and always had to be in control; even to this day.

As we got older, both of you begin to fight over me.  Then, the fighting stopped.  When the fighting stopped, the silence started.  This silence was very frightening because that is when the two of you teamed up against me. 

Even though you both teamed up, you have your own identity  

Because of this, you will be held accountable for all you've done to me.

However, dear CP,  I can't say we haven't had our good times.  Like I said at the beginning of this letter, you are my oldest friend.  You offered me a certain comfort that I can't describe and  I doubt anyone could understand without experiencing it for themselves.

You have given me opportunities and have allowed me to have relationships that I could have never had if I hadn't been disabled.

 You have taught me how to be patient and understanding.  

You have given me a "peace that surpasses all understanding" Philippians 4:7 (ESV).

Because of you, I have a beautiful relationship with GOD that I probably wouldn't have had if I hadn't had CP.  I've learned how to deal with you.

Well, dear CP, that's all for now.

Love & Hate

Me

REFLECTION SATURDAY -SUSAN

 

Today, I got to see one of my dearest friends, Susan.  We met in 4th grade at St. Bernards.  She has Epilepsy.  She's one of the sweetest, kindest souls you'll ever meet.   Epilepsy and Ceberal Palsy are 2 very different disablities. unfrrtunatley some people group all disabilities under one umbrella   School can be very difficult when you're disabled. (No, let's face it, school's hard on EVERYONE!!!)  There were people who weren't so nice to us and some people that I wasn't so nice to. ~ I can't imagine Susan not `being nice to anyone.  That's just she is.  She can melt your heart and set you at ease with just her smile.  Although our lives have led us on very journies, she'll always be one of my favorite people 

My Calling in Disguise

I'm one of those who thinks everyone and everything has a purpose.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says: (NIV)

    There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.

            a time to be born and a time to die

            a time to plant and a time to uproot

            a  time to kill and a time to heal

            a time to tear and a time to build up

            a time to weep and a time to laugh

            a time to mourn and a time to dance

            a time to scatter stones and a time to gether them

            a time to embrace and a time to refrain from

            embracing

            a time to search and a time to give up

            a time to keep and a time to throw away

            a time to tear and a time to mend

            a time to be silent and a time to speak

            a time to love and time to hate

             a time fore war and   

             a time for peace

Not only is this in the Bible, but the Mamas and the Papas wrote a song about it!!!

When I was 13, I started going to visit a nursing home once month with  my church.

                                     I   LOVED IT!!!

Something in me just clicked....I felt like I belong and I really enjoyed working with the  residents.

Then I met...

                                           HER!!!

 I can't remember her name (which is sad that I can't remember the name of of the women that shaped so much of my life).  She was in her mid 50s and she had Cerebral Palsy.  I think she had been institutionalized for most, if not all, all of her life.  I can just remember being scared, thinking; I don't want to end like her.

So, I went to college at MTSU.  My major was in social work and my minor was in gerontology (The study of getting old -yes, this is a thing).  I wanted be an advocate for those who didn't have a voice.  The elderly is a part of society that time sometimes forgets.  I wanted, at one point wanted to an adult daycare.  I really think that with the price of insurance rising and that there are many younger disabled people who need more advance care, the adult day facilities  are becoming more popular because many families are choosing to ro keep the loved ones at home.

So what changed?

You guessed it...

                              BOY MEETS GIRL

                              BOY MARRIES GIRL 

                              BOY AND GIRL HAVE

                    A DALTON AND A BOBBYE

Now, I love being married and I loved staying home with my kids.   Like many women, I thought when I the kids got older and in school I'd get a job but I physically couldn't.  We were very blessed and GOD gave Barrett a great job and has always provided for our needs.

So, I posted yesterday about how I  chose to live in a nursing home.  It's certainly doesn't evade that I did end up in a nursing home:  I just thought I be working in one not living in one.  You know the old saying...when you plan, GOD laughs

I do believe that GOD has me here for such a time as this.  In here I am able to be a friend to a person who may not have anyone else to /  I can smile at a tech or a nurse who's having a bad day.  I can pray when I see a family who are having to say goodbye to there loved ones.  I can advocate when I see there is something  wrong.  

Yes, there is a time for everything under the heavens! 

I AM WONDERFULLY MADE

Growing with Cerebral Palsy, I didn't see my self as "special" or "wonderfully made".  No, in fact it was quite the opposite.  There was something wrong with me.  I wasn't like everyone else.  Not only did the word "special" hold a negative quality; there was NOTHING special about me.  I wasn't pretty, I walked like i was drunk, (I don't drink anymore, but when I did I walked fine), people made fun of me when I talked, and assumed that I wasn't smart.

The worst thing, though, was the STARES! (Looking back on it, I should have pretended I was famous and acted like a diva!).  People naturally look at someone who is different from them and I must admit, I do too.

Psalm 139: 13 says:

13 For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb

My disability did not occur until after I was born; I was strangled by the umbilical cord.  Therefore, I know that I was created specifically in my mother's womb.  The Bible actually uses the word knit, which implies that God took His time and made me uniquely.  He created me to be loving and kind, to have a heart for people and compassion.  

Psalm 139:14 says;

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

While I don't think God caused me to be disabled, I do believe He allowed me to be disabled.  I praise Him for the Cerebral Palsy. (Not always, but I working on it.)    I believe that God allowed me to be disabled as part of my ministry.  I don't always understand why, but every now and then He gives me a glimpse of what my ministry is and it's beautiful!

An Overview of Cerebral Cortex by Daniella Maydan

Daniella Maydan, studies at University of Michin (2021)


The cerebral cortex is gray matter that acts as the outer layer of neural tissue that covers the cerebrum (most anterior part of the brain) in humans and other mammals. It is around 2-4 millimeters thick in humans, and contains around 70% of the brain's 100 billion neurons. It is split into a left hemisphere (controls the right side of the body) and right hemisphere (controls the left side of the body), and into four different lobes: the parietal lobe, frontal lobe, temporal lobe, and occipital lobe. The cerebral cortex plays a large role in memory, attention, perception, awareness, thought, language, and consciousness.
As each of the lobes (and the cortexes located in each lobe) hold different functions, damage to the cerebral cortex can cause many different problems, depending on which part of the cerebral cortex was injured.

The frontal lobe is involved in personality, emotions, decision making, speech, body movement, and more. It contains the pre-frontal cortex, which plays a part in processing short/long term memories. The left frontal lobe is mostly involved in controlling language related functions, while the right frontal lobe is mostly involved in non-verbal functions. Frontal lobe damage has been associated with poor control of facial expression, loss of fine movements and arm strength, and interference with attention and memory. Frontal lobe injuries also commonly cause dramatic changes in social and sexual behavior.

The parietal lobe is involved in integrating sensory information; it interprets speech, controls sense of touch and pain, and is in charge of spatial and visual perception. It contains the Sensory Cortex, which receives information from the spinal cord in regards to movement and the position of various body parts, and the Motor Cortex, which helps the brain control movement. Damage to the Parietal Lobe can cause one to experience abnormalities in body image and spatial relations. Damage to the left parietal lobe can often times cause "Gerstmann's Syndrome," which can lead one to experience left-right confusion, writing difficulties (agraphia), and difficulties with mathematics (acalculia). It can also result in language disorders (aphasia) and inhibit one's ability to perceive objects (agnosia). Contrastingly, damage to the right parietal lobe can cause difficulty in self-care, such as dressing and washing oneself (contralateral  neglect), making things (constructional apraxia), and drawing. Damage to both sides of the Parietal Lobe (Bi-lateral damage) can result in "Balint's Syndrome," a disorder that causes visual attention and motor problems. Symptoms include the inability to control gaze (ocular apraxia), a deficit in integrating components of a visual scene (simultanagnosia), and trouble reaching for physical objects without visual guidance (optic ataxia).

The temporal lobe is involved in understanding language, memory, and hearing. It contains Wernicke's area, which is thought to help the body formulate and understand speech. Temporal lobe injuries can cause an array of problems relating to visual and auditory perception. Damage to the left temporal lobe can result in a  decreased recall of verbal and visual content. Damage to the right temporal lobe can result in a decline in artistic ability, such as a decline in musical and drawing skills.

The occipital lobe interprets vision (color, light, movement). It contains Broca's area, which controls the facial neurons and helps with the understanding of speech and language. Disorders of the occipital lobe can cause visual hallucinations and illusions. It can also cause the affected person to experience an abnormality in object color, and visual and writing impairments.

WHY I LOVE PSALM 139

Some of my favorite verses in the bible; I dare to say it's even my life verses is Psalm 139:  7-14

Psalm 139:7-14English Standard Version (ESV)

7 

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

    Or where shall I flee from your presence?

8 

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

9 

If I take the wings of the morning

    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 

even there your hand shall lead me,

    and your right hand shall hold me.

11 

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

    and the light about me be night,”

12 

even the darkness is not dark to you;

    the night is bright as the day,r

    for darkness is as lie ght with you.

13 

For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]

Wonderful are your works;

    my soul knows it very well. 

These are the types of verses that lead to jaw dropping moments.  It tells us that we cannot hide from God and He will always guide us,  Then, as if that wasn't great enough, He created me!  He didn't mold me out of clay and breathe breath into my nostrils, a miracle in itself.  But He knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I'm ashamed to say that I didn't always feel special.  As a child with a physical disability I fell more outcast than chosen.  There was nothing "special" about me.  I had nothing to offer the world.  I could not see past the selfishness of my heart.  I even blamed my parents, especially my mama for causing me to be disabled.  I didn't deserve to be disabled.  Why me?

Then, something amazing happened...I became pregnant!

It went against all odds; against what doctors said couldn't happen.  It went against what people said should happen.  God had answered my prayers.  I was going to have a baby.  On of the coolest things I've seen is when I was taking a bath one night the baby kicked me and I was able to see  Dalton's little foot.  It suddenly hit me...I had a ling person inside of me.  God has chosen Bryan and I to create this beautiful little boy who I loved and I didn't even know him yet

There's nothing like watching a child grow up, especially if the have one or more siblings,  It's amazing how kids that came from the same parent can be so different.  Only God  can do that.

Psalm 139:7-14 reminds me that I was created for a reason. God knew I would be disabled and have struggles, but God knew I'd meet the love of my life at a MTSU philosophy class that neither of us needed to take.  He knew that we would have these two wonderful kids who have grown up with the unique advantage of having a disabled mama.  God knew that I'd would fall in love with Him because I would be sent to a Christian school for disabled children.

HE KNEW BECAUSE HIS KNITTED ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB. 

Stumbling Blocks

Photo by PNGTREE

When I learned to walk, it was not like other kids walked, I more or less just stumbled about wherever I went.  (Not much has changed in 40+ years)  As I grew, I graduated from a walker to crutches and eventually to walking on my own; yet, actually, I just became a better stumbler.  My favorite aid to assist me in the process was my father.  Daddy, in his prime, stood six feet seven inches tall!  He was known among my friends as "The Giant".  Daddy was a very strong guy and this really showed when he was walking with me.  I can't remember ever falling; somehow he always managed to catch me and keep me steady.  Although Daddy couldn't physically keep me from stumbling, he did everything he could to keep me from falling.  When I did fall, Daddy did whatever he could to encourage me to get back up and try again.

        I have another Father who does the exact same thing!  This is God.  He is so big and strong.  He holds me in His arms at all times.  Even though He doesn't always remove all the stumbling blocks from my life, He does guide me down the path and He is there to pick when I fall.

                                                                               It has been a long time since I've gotten to stumble beside my Daddy. I grew up, as little girls do, and my paths did not always cross with his.  I suppose the last time I got to stumble with him was down the church aisle at my wedding when he handed me over to the man that I will stumble my life away with.  After I had my two precious babies, I had a hip replacement, which has helped my stumbling a lot.  My daddy is no longer here on this earth to stumble about with me.  And even though when I reach heaven, I won't be stumbling anymore, I know that both my Fathers will be waiting to walk me down those streets of gold

A PURPOSE

The word disability seam to have a negativity vibe from it, but it doesn't have to be.  I'm not going to lie, it can be challenging.  But life in general is hard.  Everyone has their  "vice" and my Mama always says that you can always find someone who is worse  than you.  This is very hard at times. As humans, we have a sinful nature.  A former pastor used to use the expression, "Me and me three"  referring to his wife and two sons.  That is how most us think.  
Now, I'm not ignoring that a disability can devastating;  both to the individual and their care taker(s).   And it may be the worst thing to happen.:  there is no way to down play this.  A disability can be very stressful.  And I pray for the millions of people who are suffering from a disability and those who care for them whose lives are fill with pain and just going on fumes; just trying to make it through another day.
I am fortunate that my disability isn't the worst thing in my life.  In fact, if  anything, it has been a blessing in my life; giving me opportunities that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't been disability: I went to one of the best schools in Nashville, I got to meet people I would have never had met.  I got to go to college and and meet my husband. I was told that i would never married or have kids.   I've been married over 18 years.  We have a 17 year old son and a 14 old daughter.  The loves of my life.
Most importantly, my disability led me to my faith in Christ.  My relationship with God is the most important relationship I have, that anyone has.  A lot of people blame God  for their disability, for all of their problems.  And yes, I have done this many times in my life.  I don't . believe God made me disabled, but I believe that He slowed me to be disabled for a (or some ) reason(s).  I gathered this information through the book of Job.    I don't completely  understand why God allowed  me to be disabled and there are days when I hate being disabled with every fiber of my body.  However, ever now and then, I get a glimpse of why I am disabled and it is beautiful!

WHEN I FIRST REALIZED...

I'm sitting here listening to sermons on disabilities ,  and it took me back to ` first time I realized I was disabled.  I was in first grade and I was going to a slumber party at Easter Seals ~ an organization  that helped families and people with disabilities.  We had been going there as long as I could remember.  
    My mama took me and was going to stay until I got comfortable.  I went to  school where I was the only disabled student in the entire school. I think my mama wanted me to be around other disabled children..
      It freaked me out!  It was kind of  like looking in a mirror and seeing my self for the first time time and I didn't think I was pretty.  Some people may think it is selfish.  But sometimes, in the midst of self-discovery, you have to be a little bit selfish.  You have to be able to look at the bad side of an issue to truly understand it.  I think we as people, even as children, we don't like to "different" from others.  It's unnatural, but at the same time it is very natural.. 
     I wish I could say, I was able to get over my fear and that I stayed all night, but I ended up going home with my mama.  I wish I could say I never felt this way again.  But I can't say that.  Even now, as an older woman who's a wife and mother, I still at times, feel like the odd man out,  However, I now know that I'm  not "different"  God just made me "UNIQUE"

LIVING AS A CRIPPLED MAMA

Growing up, I had for main goals; I wanted to go to college-I graduated from Middle Tennessee State University with a Bachelor degree in Social Work in 1998; I wanted to get married-I married my best friend from college on November 7, 1998; I wanted to be a mother; Dalton was born on July 16th, 1999 and Bobbye Sue was born on September 5th, 2002; and I wanted to write.  I must says, I've been blessed beyond measures.  Many disabled people do not have the opportunities that I have had in life.
     Growing up, my parents made sure I had every thing I needed.  I knew I was disabled and that I always would be; but at the same time I thought when I grew up I'd be "normal".  I know that's a contradiction, but who can explain the mind of a child?  When it "hit" me; wow, life doesn't work that way it really affected me and my mind thought:  Who would I be when I go to college?  Would anybody ever love me?  Would I ever have kids of my own?   Could God use me?
      The answer was YES! I met my husband and we were friends for about a year before we became serious.  I think he had to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't going to marry and spend his life with a "normal" woman, plus one with a disability. (HAHA!)
     I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being a mom.  Many people talk about how much their life change when the became a mother.  I truly believe a part a my life truly began when I became a mama.  My pregnancies were difficult, I went into labor at 26 weeks with Bobbye Sue and was in the hospital for almost 6 weeks before she was born. But it was so worth it!  They are both super kids and I'm enjoying the age they are now and who God is sculpting them  to be.  Dalton is starting to think about colleges and life beyond our family and Bobbye Sue is my social butterfly.  She loves to go to school and church and would be involved in something 24/7 if we let her.  But most of all, the love and want to serve the  Lord. What more could a Mama ask for???
     Because of my disability and the part of the brian that was affected (I was strangled by the umbilical cord when I was born), I suffer from depression and some other emotional issues.  This, in all honesty, is the hardest part of being disabled.  You can deal with and adapt to physical needs but the mental aspect of it is harder to deal