Mental Health Monday: The Cost of Mental Health

 

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According to MedCityNews,  in the USA, the behavioral health market is valued at $90.5  billion in 2022 and Precedence Research predicts the cost of mental health to grow in excess of $130 billion in 2027.

But there is a greater cost to mental health.

On that is closer to the heart...The personal cost...The cost pulls at the heartstrings,  not just the purse strings.

For me. the greatest cost of my mental health has been my. relationships with others.

Some relationships can never be repaired.

Words are like a tube of toothpaste; once they come out, they can't go back in again.

"I'm sorry" is like salt that loses its flavor; it's useless.

Sometimes, I don't know where my mental health ends and where my selflessness begins.

What has your mental health cost you?

Thankful Thursday - Sandra

 Photo by Clipart Library

Some friends are just distant to meet...no matter what.

My friend, Sandra, is one of those friends.  She was here when I came back to the Waters (I went to live at a nursing facility for a while.  When I first got back, she was afraid she'd come between our friend Deborah and me.  Soon we were all thick as thieves.  

In many ways, Sandra and I had more in common than we did with Deborah.  She has CP also.  We just bonded~it's can be very hard to meet other people my age who have CP.

She became the "big sister" I never had.  We took care of each other.  I'm usually the "mother" of friendships I have ~ some of my friends are older than me.

She says I have a low pain reliance because she hit me with the corner of a pizza box and I said it hurt.🤕

She spoils me.  She's my confidant.  She protects me when I get in trouble 👮 (not that I ever get in trouble).

She calms me down when Aella Saudade, comes out in me.

I love her so much!!!

Wednesday's Word - Passion

 

 

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What is passion?

Dictionary.com defines passion as any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, such as love or hate.

Passion holds a different meaning for everyone. 

My definition of passion is to have a feeling for someone or something that is so intense, it takes my breath away.  It calls for a response that I have to answer; if I don't respond to this call my heart feels like it will explode

 Usually, when people think about being passionate, it is directed toward a good thing; something positive.

However, we can be passionate about negative things.  How many times have we heard, thought, or even said I HATE you?  We may have to be passionate about something that we don't want to because it is in our best interest or someone else's best interest. 

We can be passionate about things that others may not care about as much as we do or they may even be the polar opposite of who we are and what we are passionate about.

Being passionate about something is not always easy.  It can be very hard, and very expensive; both monetarily and emotionally. 

We may have to weigh what we are passionate about against our relationships with others. 

Last week, I wrote about the influence that others have on us.  I think others can definitely have an influence on our passions.

It is easy to push our passions out of the way because we have to accommodate others.  Some examples of these are; when we get married,  have kids, move, etc.

That's not always a bad thing.

However, I think when we totally let our passions fall the wayside simply because someone else doesn't share or like them.  We need to question why we let their opinion influence how we approach our passions.

I'm not saying  I let someone tell me what I can or cannot do,  because I don't.

I do think that I, out of my own free will, presume what others think of my passions and let this "presumption" affect how I pursue my passions.

Why???

I should be strong  and confident in myself enough, that  I can say "You don't have to like what I'm passionate about, but this is part of who I am."

I think I'm afraid of what others think of me when I disagree with them.

I'm trying to understand the concept that I can still LOVE someone even when I don't agree and share my passions with them.

About Me Tuesday: My Daddy

 

Yesterday, Oct 24,2022, would have been my Daddy's 77th birthday.

I was a Daddy's girl (except when my Mama was around 🤣!)

He was my first encourager.  My parents were told to leave me at the hospital and forget about me.  He said "Not my daughter."

He helped me overcome all the limitations that were placed on me.

When I started to walk, I was a little wobbly, just a little bit.

My Daddy was a big man - he was 6'7.  All my friends thought he was a giant.

He would help me walk; when I stumbled, he always caught me; usually before I fell.

Walking with him always made me feel safe

One of my favorite things to do with my Daddy was to debate him: about religion, politics, and current events.  We could talk for hours.

He told me I could do ANYTHING!!!

As I became a teenager, my relationship with my Daddy got rocky.  There are things we both struggled to understand about each other.

He was so proud the day I graduated from college, got married, and had the kids.

I always knew he loved me.

This picture was taken 4 days before he died.

That was the last time I ever saw my Daddy.  

Hard to believe he's been gone 17 years ago.  

I miss and love him every day.

Mental Health Mondays: My Alter- Ego Name

 

 Photo by Online Web Fonts

My Alter Name Is:

AELLA SAUDADE

meaning

WHIRLWIND IN THE DEEP SOUL OF RENDING SADNESS

These Names Were Chosen By My Mama

Mental Health Mondays: Letter to My Bipolar

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To my Bipolar, (also known as Manic Depression);

I HATE you!!!

Actually, that's not true:

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being MANIC!!!

It's a high: I feel like I can do ANYTHING!!!

It's like being the Tasmanian Devil.  I'm running in circles and I'm bouncing off walls.  My mind is racing, I'm talking at top speed and am even more comprehendible than normal.

BUT...

Isaac Newton said that "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction." He also said, "What goes up must come down."

For me, depression is much worse and occurs much more often than mania.  I think a lot of this is due to how Cerebral Palsy effects my body.  It zaps my energy and exhausts me.  Most of my life is lived in slow motion and it feels like I'm constantly chasing after something that I will never, never be able to catch.

In addition to depression, I also struggle with other emotions and have emotional outbursts;

This leads to shame and guilt;

Which leads to hearing my inner voices;

Leading to self-harm;

Leading, leading, leading down the rabbit hole.

Until SMACK

You hit rock bottom and once you climb back out of the rabbit hole...

The cycle starts all over again.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Name My Alter Egos

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 A few weeks ago I wrote a post about naming my alter egos.  I need something spicy for the manic and something sadder for the depressive ego. The winner(s) will be mentioned in my blog...Thank you.

Thankful Thursday ~ Deborah

 

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On Thankful Thursdays, I'm continuing to talk about the women who have influenced my life and my faith.

Today, I want to tell you about my friend, Deborah.

Deborah was the first friend I made at The Waters.  She sat with me for the first 2 days while I cried.

She introduced me to activities.  She was in there whenever the doors were open; she especially enjoyed the religious programs and BINGO.  Deborah liked to stay busy.

I went to live in another nursing home for about 3 months.  She called me the night her sister (who was her roommate) died,  begging me to come back.  I think it was about a month later when I finally decided to move back.  I ask that Deborah not be told exactly when I was coming so I could surprise her. Her face lit up when she saw me, she was so excited!  We both were!!!

When Deborah and our friend, Sandra became roommates,  I practically lived in their room.  We joked that we got "divorced" at midnight and got "remarried" the next day.

Then...COVID HIT 

We all got COVID, except for 2 residents.  I think about 10 residents died  because of COVID

Deborah got really sick.  The doctors had to put her in an induced coma for a couple of weeks to help her heal.  

She got better and came back to the nursing home, but she was never quite the same.  She would get mad easily and just snap at people. She had been a very easygoing, loving, and forgiving lady and that person was gone.  She was still nice, she was just...different. (I heard that COVID affected many people this way.)

A few months later, her sister took her home to care for her.  3 months later Deborah got pneumonia.  Her lungs were too scarred because of COVID and she ended up passing away.

What I admired most about my friend, Deborah, is she could have fun and enjoy life regardless of what was going on.  She loved GOD and she loved to help people.  She always put others before herself.  She was a genuinely good person and she always made others feel special and loved.  

There is a lady here at The Waters who looks so much like her; they could be identical twins.  When we saw her, another friend and I looked at each other and our jaws dropped, it's uncanny how much she looks like Deborah.

I will always love and miss my friend.

t

Wednesday/s Word ~ Influence

 

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Influence " is the power or capacity of causing an effect in an indirect  or intangible way; sway" 

   Merriam-Webster Dictionary 

`        

I've been told that I can be influenced very easily.  Maybe I am a chameleon and blend in wherever I go in Switzerland.  (Come to think of it, a lot of disabled people tend to {try} to blend in with others.)

I don't think of it as blending in as much as it is that I want to make others happy.

Unless you do or say something that totally goes against my core beliefs and values, I'm probably going to agree with you.

Some people say that I'm a doormat.

I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT!!!

I do have loyalties to people that I will not break.

There are decisions that I have made, good and bad, that have put me in this position at this stage in my life.

We have all made these choices.

The thing about doormats is most of them say "WELCOME"*.  

I want to welcome people into my life.  I want them to feel welcomed and loved  Too many people don't feel loved and wanted.  People have been told that they don't deserved to be loved.  

Even the viliest of criminals deserved to be loved!

We don't stop and think of how people who influence us have been influenced.

I think if we could understand this, we might be a litte more understanding and patient with others.

 So yes, I may be easily influnced, but`maybe I can easily influence others, too.

*Please, if you are being abused in ANY WAY, please find HELP!

About Me Tuesday - Why I Write

 

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We all have that 1 thing that we love to do.  That 1 thing we have to do.  That we are meant to do.  It makes your heart beat a little faster.   It consumes your thoughts and even your dreams.

Mine is writing.

My inspiration was Judy Blume.  Who could read about her character, Fudge, and not fall in love with her and want to be a New York Times Best Selling Author?

Writing was always a way for me to express myself when people couldn't understand my speech.

It was something that was just mine.  I could keep it to myself or share it with others.  I grew up with the first three Norman Boys: Jimmy, Luke, and Caleb.  As the only girl, (I'm 19 years older than my sisters) sometimes I felt like I got lost in the chaos.  (Don't be fooled, though, I could hold my own in a fight!!!)

I can remember when Mama and Daddy got us a word processor.  I was so excited.  I can remember how the words were orange against the black screen.  I haven't thought about this in years...I'm actually getting chills just thinking about it!!!

We were at a used bookstore and Mama got me a book about writing.   She signed it to her "budding author" I felt so special that she called me an "Author"  Being a writer was fine, but being an author held a certain social status that meant that you had made it as a writer.

Writing, to me, come in phases.  I can go days, weeks, and months even without writing anything substantial.  Then I  can get on a roll where all I want to do is write.

Every time I write; everything I write tells a little bit more of my story.

Mental Health Mondays -My Shame

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 The term "mental illness" holds a negative perceptions.  It is a lot better than it was 20 years ago,  but progress is still on the horizon..  I have been coping with mental illness for as long as I can remember - long before I was diagnosed  as Bi-polar.  There are things  I did that may have been cause by my Bi-polar, but I will still be held accountable for my actions.  There have been things I could have said and done better.

We need to bring an informational spark when we talk about mental health.  For one, the term "crazy" is thrown around way too much, and I am the first one to call myself "crazy".

People are made to feel guilty about their disabilities; especially their mental issues. I can only speak for myself, but I hate to disappoint others and feel like a burden to them.  I feel like I did something to deserve to be  disabled; like I had done something terribly wrong.

I know that  I had NOTHING to do with becoming disabled.

Why/ how can I feel guilty about something I had nothing to do with.

I am constantly apologizing  for things I did or didn't do. 

Now that I think about it, apologizing for what I can  or can't do is taking away from what God can do thru my disabilities.

I need to start thinking about my disabilities this way

Reflection Sunday - 5 Tactics to Slaying Giants

                                                                                                                          Photo by CLIPARTMAX

At church, we are going through the book of 1 Samuel, and today we talked about David and Goliath.  A favorite story of kids everywhere. 

When Dalton was  little, he had a Super Heroes Bible.  I'm sure no one is surprised by this!  (He may still have it.)  It highlighted some heroes in the bible and their characteristics

Some of David's characteristics are: obedience, humility, patience, courage and faith

We can see these 6 tactics when David faces the great Goliath.        

    - Obedience: David obeyed his father who sent him to take food to his brothers on the battle field.  He obeyed GOD when he told him to fight Goliath

    - Humility: Samuel had already told David and his father, Jesse, that David would be the next king of Israel.  It would have been so easy for him to become a cocky, prideful teenager.  But he was honorable and obedience; which is probably one of the reasons GOD chose him. A man after God's own heart (1 Samuel 13:14) 

Luke 12:48 says,   "From everyone who has been given much will be demanded, and from the one who's been entrusted with much, much more will be asked(This just happens to be one of Dalton's favorite verses, plus it was somewhat reference to in Spider-man.)  Because David was such good shepard, GOD trusted him with bigger and better things.

       -Patience: The kid was a shepard, and at night on top of that.  It may have been a ,little more exciting than watching paint dry.

I think its interesting  The GOD likens  HIMSELF to a shepard.  Sheep are suppose to be one the dumbest and most vulnerable animals alive.  David is very patient with his sheep, just as GOD is patient with us.

      -Courage: It is believed that Goliath was between 8 and 12 ft tall.  My Daddy was 6"7' tall, Everyone at school thought he was a giant.  So, I couldn't imagine being a youth (some people think he was under 5" tall) and facing someone that tall.  Hearing stories of how others who were taller and older than him, may have made David quake in his  boots.  Then King Saul placed his armor on David; which was too big and heavy for him.    He knew that unless he followed GOD's command, then he would have enough courage and wouldn't be able to defeat Goliath.

       -Faith: Not only did David have to obey GOD, but he also had to have faith that He would take care of him.  I've come to the conclusion that faith is either really simple or really difficult.    Hebrew 11:1 " "Faith is the substance of things hope for, the evidence pf things unseen.  Some people only believe in things they can see.  In John 20:29 JESUS tells Thomas; "Because you have seen me, You have believed.  Blessed are those who have not seen but still believe."  Without faith, we can't even take our next breath.  David had to have faith in order to gather up the courage to fight Goliath.

We all have giants and the same 5 tactics can apply to slaying our own giants:

1.  We  have to be obedient to what GOD tells us about our giants. 

2.  We have to be humble enough to say that we can't fight our giants without GOD

3.   We have to have patience to wait on GOD to tell and show us how to fight our giants. 

4.   It takes courage to fight our giants.  Sometimes it takes just as much courage (if not more) to NOT fight our giants, because GOD wants us to learn to cope with our giants, not slay them.  They are  intended to be part of our testimony .

And finally

5. We have to have faith to slay our 9 ft giants.  We have to know that GOD is with us, even when we can't see evidenced of it.

How do you slay your giants?  Comment below, please!

Thankful Thursday: Sister Marietta

 

I have been using THANKFUL THURSDAYS to talk about some of the wonderful women who have had an impact on my life and my faith.

Photo by Pixy

When I was 4,  my parents enrolled in St.  Bernards School for Exceptional Children.  This school not only launched my educational journey, but also my spiritual journey.

St. Marietta was the principal of the Exceptional school.   She stood up with Mama when we joined St. Pius church and got baptized.  I can't remember her as my principal, but I use to see her walking around the St. Bernards campus.  I always loved running into her.

In 5th and 6th grade, at Christmas, we got to"adopt" a Sister.  We had a special luncheon with them.  I was so upset because I didn't get to be with St. Marietta. (The 6th graders got to choose the sister they wanted to "adopt" a sister they wanted to escort to the Christmas luncheon.)  I did get to "adopt" her the next Christmas.  (The was also the year I sang "I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Clause-so she was probably regretting  not teaching me how to sing!!!)

There isn't just one thing I loved about St. Marietta.  I just know when I was around her I felt like I was in the presence of GOD

Wednesday's Word: Compassion

 

Photo by Pixy

Everyone needs COMPASSION!

The definition of compassion is:

"sympathetic consciousness of other's distress together with a desire to alleviate it"   Merriam-Webster

Covid has taught us many, many things.  We have been reminded of how heroic people can be; not just in America, but all over the world. I don't think anyone has been praised (and rightly so) more than the people in the medical field; especially those on the front lines: like emergency rooms and ICUs.However,  the other side of the coin is that not many people want to work in health care right now.Since I live in a nursing facility, I am seeing this firsthand. We don't have enough nurses or CNAs (certified nurse assistants).  They are always short.  Some of the CNAs work through agencies (because they pay more) and many of them really don't care how they deal with the residents because they'll be at a different facility the next day.  The CNAs who do care are stretched to their limits and many don't have time to give the residents the care that they need and deserve.But, what I want to talk about now is the compassion that we owe the people who take care of us.Our society has such a "the customer is always right" morality, that many of us don't show others the common courtesy that everyone deserves.I can remember when were kids, if we didn't say "yes ma'am, no ma'am; yes sir, no sir; please and thank you", we better hope our daddy didn't find out!!!Most people work really hard; it doesn't matter if you're the top neurosurgeon in the world or a garbage collector; EVERYONE deserves respect.Sometimes, all it takes is a simple "thank you" and a smile to lift someone's weary soul.


s

About Me Tuesday : My Go To Movies & Why

 

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 Girl In The Basement(LIfetime-Amazon Prime) 

I'm not sure why I'm so obsessed with this movie right now.  It's based on a (mixture of) true story(s), which I love.  I love people-watching and trying to figure out what makes them tick.  Her strength and ability to adapt so she could survive to amaze me.

 

Steel Magnolias (Orginal)

I can see this movie from 2 points of view: Someone who is a disabled woman who really wanted children I can see Shelby's passion. In the scene where she tells M'lyn she is pregnant, M'lyn said "You're special, Shelby, they are limits to what you can do!"  I think  I would have gone off on my Mama

On the other hand, as a mother, my first reaction would be to protect my daughter-no matter how old she was.  I would never give up on her; holding her hand till her very last breath.

One of my best friends, Molly Poss, played M'lynn in her high school's rendition of Steel Magnolias.  She did so well!

Beaches (Orginal)

This movie shows us the two different types of friendships.  Most of us have a serious side that is ultra-focused and future-success-driven.  Then we have the side of us that is this creative, fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants type of person.  These types of people can also be the ones who step to raise the child of their best friend after she dies

Step -`Mom

OK, this one gets me every time!!!  What woman would be OK with her ex-husband's lover taking care of her children?  As a teenager, my stepmom was not my favorite person.  It's hard to see your dad with someone who isn't your mother.  Then, one top of that, knowing that you're going to die and that woman  who is going to be the  most prominent woman in your children's life 

Maybe I just like movies where of the heroines die.

Mental Health Monday ~ Listening To My Voices

 

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I HEAR VOICES!

Now, before you jump to conclusions (Mama), they aren't telling me that I'm an alien who seeks world domination. (those are, of course, confidential!!!)

I do, however, hear the voices of doubt...regret... self-loathing...pride...insecurities...blame...and...and...the list goes on and on and on...

Yes, these voices are audible.  Sometimes the voices are ones I recognize and sometimes they aren't.

They are constantly telling me that I'm a failure. That nothing I ever do is good enough.  The voices say that if you had acted or said something in another way; the "correct" way, you'll be liked and accepted. 

Musician John Spence said that "We often talk to ourselves in ways that we would never let a stranger or even a close friend talk to us."

We put ourselves down.  We don't feel like we're worthy enough to feel good about ourselves.  Sometimes, others put us down and other times our surroundings and the things around us dictate our self-worth.   

 I almost feel, no I do feel like I have acceded the number of blessings that a person should get in their lifetime.

I feel bad because I was blessed in ways that other people in my situation were not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for everything I have!!!

But, it makes me wonder, WHY?  What did I do to deserve to be this blessed?

Truth is, I've only achieved what I have through the grace of GOD

Olin Miler, senior finance manager at Amazon, said: "You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do."

Even with friends and family, most of them are too busy and /or self-absorbed to think too much about what we think or feel, and many times, even what we do and say.

John Spence also said; "Some people don't notice the things others do for them until they stop doing them."

My parents taught me to be strong and confident.  I thought I could

conquer the world.  It turns out that conquering that world didn't look like I thought it would.  (I've go to remember, that like Psalm 23

that the LORD is our SHEPARDand that HE leads us in the way we should go.).  HE wants me to conaquer the world for HIM and in HIS timing; not mine

As I got older, as many people do,  I started to listen and believe the lies of the DEVIL.

Sometimes, my Bipolar and its voices make it hard to distinguish right from wrong; fact from fiction.  It's like walking a tightrope over a lion's den; one misstep and you're going to be supper.

Like I said before, I can't blame my Bipolar for my sin.  I have done it millions of times.  God knows the difference between my sins and my mental issues.

The more in tune with GOD  I am, the quieter the voices become.

 

Thankful Thursday ~ Ms. Baltz

 

 

Photo by pngfind

On Thankful Thursday, I'm going to be talking about some of the women who have helped shaped my life and my faith:

Today, I'm going to be telling you about Ms. Elizabeth Baltz.

Ms. Baltz went to St. Pius. Catholic  I had known for as long as I could remember  She taught Sunday School.  Because I went to a Catholic school I didn't "have to" go to Sunday School, but I went whenever Mama and Daddy would let me.

I went to a public high school so I went to Sunday School on a regular basis.

Sunday school was at St.Pius' sister church, the Assumption.  So. after the 8 o'clock mass, I would ride with Ms. Baltz to Sunday School.  We. always stopped at Mrs. Winners for breakfast.

This was one of my favorite times of the week.  We would sit and talk.  She was such a godly woman.  She worked at St. Thomas hospital and was one of the members of the congregation who went to Bordeaux hospital, along with Ms. Sharber. She taught me the importance of acts of service and the love of God.    She, her brother (Uncle Bud), and his twin sister (Ms. Bernardine) never married and live in their childhood home.  

Sadly, I did not keep in touch with her. The last time I saw her may have been when Daddy died.  I know she and Ms. Bernardine lived at Bordeaux hospital during their later years.  Ms. Bernardine died a few years ago.  Ms. Elizabeth passed away in 2019.

Oh yeah, they had an entire half-level of their house that looked like Christmas all year long.

How could I not love this woman and her family?

Wednesday's Word ~ Peace

 Photo by Gerd Altmann

Peace is a word that has a different meaning for everyone.

When I  was finding an image for this post, my first thought was to find a peace sign.  But when I saw this, I thought of 2 people:

Noah and Jesus

Noah sent out a dove twice out of the ark, (after first sending a raven).  The 1st time the dove brought back an olive branch ~ this is where the phrase "extend an olive branch" came from.  The 2nd time he sent out the dove, it didn't come back, meaning it had found a dry place to land  

I think when the dove didn't come back the 2nd time, it was saying that GOD was giving the earth rest from the rain and the people a rest from the evil people that had been destroyed by the flood.

When JESUS came out of the water after HE was baptized, the spirit of GOD descended on HIM like a dove.

Whenever we are in agreement with and are aligned with GOD we can be at peace...No matter what chaos is going on around us

About Me Tuesday ~ A Letter To My Cerebral Palsy

 

`Dear Cerebral Palsy

You are my oldest friend and confidant.  I can't escape you; even when I want to more than anything.  You caused me my first physical pain and also my first heartache.  You took my breath away along with my voice.  When I tried to stand up, you would pull my back down.

As we got older, we had a battle of wills; this is a constant that continues to this day.  

One area that you did not overcome was my intellect.  I loved school.  I was very good at reading and writing; math, not so much.  

When we became teenagers, you invited someone else into our friendship.  Bipolar.

She was jealous of everything we had and the accomplishment that we had made and she drove a wedge between us.  She was bossy and always had to be in control; even to this day.

As we got older, both of you begin to fight over me.  Then, the fighting stopped.  When the fighting stopped, the silence started.  This silence was very frightening because that is when the two of you teamed up against me. 

Even though you both teamed up, you have your own identity  

Because of this, you will be held accountable for all you've done to me.

However, dear CP,  I can't say we haven't had our good times.  Like I said at the beginning of this letter, you are my oldest friend.  You offered me a certain comfort that I can't describe and  I doubt anyone could understand without experiencing it for themselves.

You have given me opportunities and have allowed me to have relationships that I could have never had if I hadn't been disabled.

 You have taught me how to be patient and understanding.  

You have given me a "peace that surpasses all understanding" Philippians 4:7 (ESV).

Because of you, I have a beautiful relationship with GOD that I probably wouldn't have had if I hadn't had CP.  I've learned how to deal with you.

Well, dear CP, that's all for now.

Love & Hate

Me

Mental Health Monday ~Naming My Alter Egos

 

Photo by Freeimges

I have tried to be open and transparent about my Bipolar and any other disabilities I have or may have.

I do this in hopes that my story may help someone else.

That being said, I have decided to name my alter egos.

I say egos because when I'm MANIC I'm bouncing off the walls.

But when I am depressed, I mainly get tired.

It's harder to tell when I'm depressed than when I'm manic.  I think this is because of the Cerebral Palsy may age and the natural state I'm in,  I'm already at that level where it's hard to distinguish between depression and the level that my disability has me at.   

That's why I want to name my alter egos.  One name should be spunky and upbeat.  The other name should be gravely and harsh.

I'm open to suggestions.  Comment below.!.

  

What I've Learned From GOD Sunday ~ Questions

Sometimes all you hear from GOD...are...your...own...questions.  Often, HE leads you to the edge; to your breaking point, so that you can reflect and quiet yourself so you can hear HIS voice.  I

I've felt like this many times, most time actually.  It can be hard to decipher between what GOD is telling us and what others are telling us. 

However, when we are trying to hear what GOD is telling us, it is important for us to remember that GOD is talking to others too.

Sometimes, what GOD is trying to tell us doesn't sync up with what GOD it telling someone else.

People say I can be very influenceable and I probaly am;  I want to be liked, I want to be comforting to others.  That's who I want to be...

But, that's not who I am...

I'm ulgy and selfish and I hurt the ones Im supposed to love and care for the most.

In Romans 7: 15-20 (NIV), Paul tells us:

"I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do , I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myelf who do it, but it is sin living in me.  For I know good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not want to do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do-this I keep doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me who does it."

Is it a tounge twister if you type it???

Side note here, I do not think Pau is telling us it OK to sin or that we won't be held accountable for our sins.  Because I do not believe this all!

Sin destroys every thing it touches; especially our relationships.  Many of these can't be repaired; no matter how hard we try.

So all we are left with is...our questions>