WHY I LOVE PSALM 139

Some of my favorite verses in the bible; I dare to say it's even my life verses is Psalm 139:  7-14

Psalm 139:7-14English Standard Version (ESV)

7 

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

    Or where shall I flee from your presence?

8 

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

9 

If I take the wings of the morning

    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 

even there your hand shall lead me,

    and your right hand shall hold me.

11 

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

    and the light about me be night,”

12 

even the darkness is not dark to you;

    the night is bright as the day,r

    for darkness is as lie ght with you.

13 

For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]

Wonderful are your works;

    my soul knows it very well. 

These are the types of verses that lead to jaw dropping moments.  It tells us that we cannot hide from God and He will always guide us,  Then, as if that wasn't great enough, He created me!  He didn't mold me out of clay and breathe breath into my nostrils, a miracle in itself.  But He knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I'm ashamed to say that I didn't always feel special.  As a child with a physical disability I fell more outcast than chosen.  There was nothing "special" about me.  I had nothing to offer the world.  I could not see past the selfishness of my heart.  I even blamed my parents, especially my mama for causing me to be disabled.  I didn't deserve to be disabled.  Why me?

Then, something amazing happened...I became pregnant!

It went against all odds; against what doctors said couldn't happen.  It went against what people said should happen.  God had answered my prayers.  I was going to have a baby.  On of the coolest things I've seen is when I was taking a bath one night the baby kicked me and I was able to see  Dalton's little foot.  It suddenly hit me...I had a ling person inside of me.  God has chosen Bryan and I to create this beautiful little boy who I loved and I didn't even know him yet

There's nothing like watching a child grow up, especially if the have one or more siblings,  It's amazing how kids that came from the same parent can be so different.  Only God  can do that.

Psalm 139:7-14 reminds me that I was created for a reason. God knew I would be disabled and have struggles, but God knew I'd meet the love of my life at a MTSU philosophy class that neither of us needed to take.  He knew that we would have these two wonderful kids who have grown up with the unique advantage of having a disabled mama.  God knew that I'd would fall in love with Him because I would be sent to a Christian school for disabled children.

HE KNEW BECAUSE HIS KNITTED ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB. 

CLUES TO THE PUZZLE

Today I release myself to You.  You know me inside and out, hast as Psalm 139 says.  I can't remember a time when I didn't love You or when I didn't feel loved by You.  I don't deserve Your love;  I can't earn it.  But You gave me the gift of You Son wrapped in a crimson red bow.  I'll never know what you see in me, but I'm so thankful that you see me through Christ's blood and not through my own merit.  Only you can see deep into my soul and still love me.  You alone know all my secrets, thoughts and feelings; even better than I do.  Nothing catches you of guard. There's no where I can go where You can't see me and nothing I can say  that you can't hear because You're always within ear shot.  So much of my life is a mystery to me, but You O God, hold all the clues and  reveal  one by one; when you know I can handle them.  Some how the clues complete me and fit snugly into this puzzle I call life;  a puzzle that only You can see for now.  I won't see it completed until You show me my life in review when I meet You face to face.

                                                 

SEEKING GOD AS A PRECIOUS JEWEL

I've been listening to this song lately.   This was a theme song one year at the women's retreat that my friend, Becki, and I attend every year. I'm sitting here wondering do I truly seek Jesus as the precious jewel He is or do I treat Him like and as a genie` in a lantern that I put on the back burner of my heart until I need him again?  Honestly, I probably do a little of both.  There are times when I'm so in tune with God that I get a glimpse of what Heaven may be like.  Then there are times when I feel so disconnected from God that He seems like a total stranger to me.  I wish I could say I got to busy or something r more important came up.  I can't.  it's a matter of choosing what I want to do.  It's a heart issue.  Am I going to choose to study and prayer of am I going to choose to watch one more episode of that TV show that I shouldn't be watching?  Uhm... why are that we don't (or me maybe even want) wrapped  in such beautiful and a luring paper?  The easy answer is to say the DEVIL.  O God, I wanted to study but Satan made me do it.  God must get so sick of us saying that.  We can be tempted by Satan, but we have to take responsibility of responding to that temptation.  (Remember His servant Job???)  
In Romans 7:15 Paul say "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but that I hate I do."  I think through serious prayer and dedication to change.`  I've struggling with things for years, decades even, that I need to change.  It's easy for me to play the victim and say "That's just who I am.  But that's not who God created me to be.  I was created to seek, and find, Jesus as the precious jewel that He is.  He me; not some of me or my leftovers.   He wants ALL of me.  Not because He's a selfish control freak.  Simply because He LOVES me.

Dalton's Mommy

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I wrote this when my son was about 3 months old. Hope to get it published as a children's book one day.

Dalton’s Mommy
Hello, my name is Dalton Keith and I want to tell you about my mommy. She has a disability called Cerebral Palsy, CP for short. CP affects how Mommy walks and talks and everything else she does. Before I was born Mommy had to be extra careful not to fall and hurt me in her tummy. When I was a baby Mommy pushed me in my stroller, even in the house, so she wouldn’t fall while she was carrying me. Daddy said I was Supper Baby because as rough as Mommy was with me, I never got hurt. Mommy walk funny. She told me that one time a little girl asked her why she had two broken legs. I laughed. Her legs aren’t broken; they’re just crooked. When we go shopping, my mommy drives a scooter so she won’t get so tired. Sometimes I ride in her lap, but sometimes I hold Daddy’s hand and walk like a big boy. We also get to park in the blue parking places. Mommy talks funny too. My friends will ask me what she said, but I know what she says. Mommy makes messes, but she cleans them up. She gets made if I don’t clean up my messes. Sometimes people laugh at my mommy and call her names. This makes me sad. Daddy said it is because they don’t know how special Mommy is. Mommy and Daddy and I laugh a lot too and this makes me happy. Some people think my mommy isn’t smart but before I was born she went to college. That is where she met Daddy. Sometimes I wish Mommy didn’t have Cerebral Palsy. Mommy said she wished I wouldn’t chase our dog Princess around and try to ride her. Mommy takes good care of me and Daddy and my little sister. I love my Mommy.

My Hero- My Behind the Scenes Mama

Thursday, October 21, 2010

     If  you had asked me growing up who my biggest supporter was I would have said my Daddy.  My Daddy was a great daddy!  He was the more vocal voice.  When I was born they basically told my parents to go home, leave me at the hospital and forget they every  had a daughter.  I wasn't expected to live, and even if I did live I was expected to be a vegetable and have all sorts of health issues; including mental retardation.  My Daddy told them ; No, that I was going to live and that I was going to have a "normal" life.  My parents both fought for me, but I guess I remember Daddy being my "vocal" about.it.  My Daddy had a very strong and domineering personality about him; the kind that simply demanded respect.  My Mama was/is more of a behind the scenes type of person.  Looking back I can say it was Mama who was the true super hero in my life:  She took me to all my doctors and speech appointments.  She's the one who helped me do leg exercises every night.  It was Mama who drove me back and forth to school for ten years just so I could go to one of the best schools in Nashville in order to receive a good education.  I loved my mom, but I didn't give her the respect she deserved.  I was jealous of her:.  She was "normal" and "perfect" and I would never be.  I blamed her for my disability.  I had came out of her body.  I expected her to always take care of me, according to my standards which were set way to high.  She was a stay-at-home-mom and I just thought that was so uncool.  All my friends' mom worked and I saw them as what  I wanted to be.  When she started nursing school my freshmen year of high school, I was elated. I seriously thought she wanted a career beyond being a wife and mother, she didn't.  She was doing what she had to in order to take care of her family.
      I've learned so much about my mom by becoming a mom.  I can still hear her saying, "I hope  you have a kid just like you!"  I see myself in Dalton constantly, especially as we tread through these preteen years. Bobbye Sue however, is just like.  I sometimes wonder if God placed me in the middle of those three simply for his own amusement.  Mama has taught me many things; to be patient, to love unconditionally; to forgive willing and to always follow.  Mama and I are very different people in many ways.  She's gone through things that I can't even fathom.  She's a lot stronger person than I though she was.  Like I said earlier she was/is a very behind the scenes person.  And now as I'm a wife and a mother that what I want to be.  This is very biblical.  No one on earth loved Jesus more than Mary did, however she too was very much a behind the scenes person.  She was there when He needed her; to support, but she knew that much of Jesus' life was going to a solo journey.  As I think about the relationship I have with my kids and reflect on the relationship I have with Mama, I think of John 3:30 where John the Baptist tells his disciples; "He must increase, but I must decrees."  (HCSB)  We have to let our kids grow up and be who God wants them to be.  My mom gave me everything she and then some in order to take care of me;  She did it willing and without expectation in return.  I'm sure in many ways, her and my family's could have been less complicated had they chosen to deal with my disability, but they chose to take the high road and do what was best for me.  As a Mama, I too am called to prepare my kids and then step back and watch them  soar.  This can be difficult in so many ways: First, it's natural to worry about them. and then I think; "Well, that's not how I would have done it; how I told them them to do it!"  Self keeps reaping back  in, trying to steel the spotlight and it isn't even my scene!   How can I expect them to live a good and godly life when I am constantly trying to run in and still the glory  I am proud to confess that when I grow up I want to be just like my Mama.  She's strong, kind, loving...I don't know if I'll make it but that's my aim

No Broken Bones

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

      So, today as I was sitting in the truck while the kids and Barrett went in Shoe Carnival, I took out my bible and turned to Psalm.  I ran across PS. 34: 19-21 which says; 

      "The righteous person may have many troubles, 
   but the LORD delivers him from them all; 
²⁰ he protects all his bones, 
   not one of them will be broken.

 ²¹ Evil will slay the wicked;
   the foes of the righteous will be condemned."

     

     I was in total awe when I read this; especially verse 20!  Out of all my years of walking (and falling)  I've never broken a bone.  I did crack my pinkie finger when I was a kid.  I've had to get stitches  a couple of time; I still get dizzy at times from my infamous concussion last year; and I have many scares and bruises that decorate my body buy no broken bones to claim.  This is truly a miracle.  When I read this passage it just truly made me think; "Man God is so good!"  He Has protected me from physically injuries many, many times, And He's protected more times than against all the spiritual blunders I've had.  I know that I could fall tonight and seriously  hurt myself tonight, it wouldn't mean that I'm in any less way protected by God.  If He see fit to let me have a broken bone He'll give me what I'll need to deal with it, just as he allowed Jesus to die for the forgiveness of my sins so that I could live with him in Heaven.  This concept of no broken bones is quite interesting  because Jesus at the time of the crucifixion  which fulfills prophecy.  

Jn 19:31-37 tells us 

"Now it was the day of Preparation, and the next day was to be a special Sabbath. Because the Jewish leaders did not want the bodies left on the crosses during the Sabbath, they asked Pilate to have the legs broken and the bodies taken down. 32 The soldiers therefore came and broke the legs of the first man who had been crucified with Jesus, and then those of the other. 33 But when they came to Jesus and found that he was already dead, they did not break his legs. 34 Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water. 35 The man who saw it has given testimony, and his testimony is true. He knows that he tells the truth, and he testifies so that you also may believe. 36 These things happened so that the scripture would be fulfilled: “Not one of his bones will be broken,”[a] 37 and, as another scripture says, “They will look on the one they have pierced.”[b]

   A biblical sacrifice had to be presented with out any blemishes  Leviticus 1:3 says:

 ³ “‘If the offering is a burnt offering from the herd, you are to offer a male without defect. You must present it at the entrance to the tent of meeting so that it will be acceptable to the LORD."

Not only Has God always protected my bones, He first protected Christ's bones so that He would remain the prefect, unblemished sacrifice for my sin.

What would I tell a 16 year old version of myself

Thursday, December 30, 2010

So, Midday Connection asked the question the other day on the radio:  What would you say to a 16 year old you?  Now that's a loaded question if there ever was one  I turned 16 on November 29,  1989.  Two very determining factors that would alter my life forever happened within two weeks of my sixteenth birthday.  First, my Daddy was in a horrific accident that  nearly killed him.  He was hunting in Sherwood and feel out of a tree stand.  I'm ashamed to say I don't remember a lot  about the accident.  I honestly don't know if I have just blocked it out of my memory, or if I was just a selfish girl at heart who thought of nothing or no one but herself.  Sadly and with deep regret, I fear it was the latter one.

     The other thing that happen was I attended a retreat called SEARCH where I fell totally in love with God.  I had been a Christian.  My family had started going to church when I was 7.  I always loved church and God,  but that weekend at SEARCH was when I started to understand that God loved me and wanted a personal relationship with me.  I wasn't suppose to be at SEARCH that weekend.  It was reserved for Juniors  and Seniors i n high school.  Even though I was sixteen, I was a lowly freshmen - I have a late birthday, plus I went to a preschool for disabled students until 7 and my parent wanted me to go into to the first grade   Needless to say, I'm older than many of my friends.  But it never fails to amaze me how God's way are greater than my ways; And He always knows exactly what we need exactly when we need it.  I can't tell you anything specific that happen that weekend that changed my life  It was what the future would bring that would change my life.  God used a weekend retreat to strengthen my life forever.
     My Daddy was never quite the same after the accident.  I really think he suffer brain damage,  He changed.  It is not my desire to bash my Daddy here.   I loved him.  He made some choices, that I prayer I'll never make, but I respect his choices because I do  believe that they were part of the path of his life.    Some of the choices he made impaired the rest of the family.  It was through what I learned through SEARCH that allowed me to survive that difficult change in my life.  I had to learn to be depend on God, no matter what!
     That seams like such a long time ago.  I guess if I could anything to that young girl now it would be to hold on to faith and to love the peopled around you, especially your daddy.  I loved my daddy, always did and always will.  I spent many years angry at  him and withdrawn from him.  I felt the need, regrettable to keep my children from him.  I thought, and still do in some part believe, that I was acting in the best interest of my children.  I've always struggled with this decision and always will.  I pray that God and my Daddy forgive me. We lost Daddy five and a half years ago, and although I made amends with him a few days before he died, I can not get back the time I lost with him.

1o Things I Want to Change in My Marriage

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

One of my favorite books is "Created to be  His Help Meet" by Debi Pear.  Had the book for years; it was one of those books that was all high lighted up and had personal  notes in it.  Somehow I've misplaced it.  So I bought another one and have started to reread.  Before you  start reading, Mrs. Pearls suggest you write down the 10 things you want to change an or improve in you marriage.
Here are mine:


1)  Pray for Barrett more
2)  Listen better
3)  Obey without question
4)  Be more available to Barrett
5)  Know and fulfill most of Barrett's needs and desires                 
     ASAP
6)  Create a welcoming and relaxing home for Barrett
     and the kids
7)  Prepare good, healthy meals for them.
8)  Respect Barret at all times and show it. 
9)  Stop comparing us to other couples
10) Stop bombarding Barrett with pity things

Silly Saturday & A Trip to "Little Homemaker's Beauty Shop - 2011 POST

Saturday, March 5, 201

So it's been - a chilly rainy Saturday.  The kids & I cleaned house this morning  Tonight I went to Bobbye Sue's Little Homemaker's Beauty's Shop.  She helped me color my hair.  She did a  really good job!   We made a video of Dalton  as Superman.  He's laying on a  table and looks like he's flying.  I love my kids, they're so creative!!!  I've been thinking and praying about maybe homeschooling  Dalton next year.  He'l start middle school in August.  Not sure why this scares me; but it does.  There's something about this  particular school that just doesn't sit well with me.  Barrett's not a big supporter of homeschooling, so this is something I have to totally leave it up to God.  I'm just gonna keep on praying about this and  I know if this is truly God's will Barrett will come into agreement with me.  And if not, then I'll have peace about sending baby  to middle school.

HE GETS IT AND IS PASSING IT ON -2011 POST

I love to listening to preaching/teaching on the radio or CD.  (If you didn't know better you'd thing I'd marry someone in talk radio or something...LOL!!!) My favorite thing to listen to are teaching on being a Christian  wife and mother.  Last week Dalton and I was talking about it -which of course he thinks it's wried that I do this- I told him, I do it to keep my mind focused.  As I go about my daily routine, I'm listening and learning more about God and how to follow Him and do His will.  One of the things I've been listening to lately is The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian.  In the book she tells about how her son was having nightmares.  So she went in his rooms (and yes, I do believe in going into my kids rooms; call me nosey if you may) and she found a video game  that was violent and even had stuff to do with an occult I think.  They took the game out of his room and prayed over his room.  Well, lo and behold, the kid stopped having night.  I'm not sure why I told Dalton this story, but I did.  Well, on Sunday the sermon at church was talking about surrounding yourself with good teachings, music, ect.  Later that afternoon I asked Dalton if he understood more of why I listen to the CDs.  He said no and then proceeded to tell me of a friend of his who was having  nightmares and having trouble sleeping.  The went on talking and his friend told him about a song he'd been listening to.  His friend sang it to Dalton and Dalton said: "Mama, it was a horrible, horrible song!"  He suggested to his friend that he may want to stop listening to that song, he actually retold the story of Stormie Omartian's son.  His friend said he would.  So proud of Dalton!!!

What's Good about Good Friday?

Have you ever contemplated on why the Friday before Easter is referred to as "Good Friday"?  For people who aren't Christians, Good  Friday is nothing more than a "holiday" off work; they may even get irritated because local and our federal bossinesses may be  closed.  Christians may or may not have much of a different view.  They know that it's the day that represent the day of Christ's crucifixion.  To think of the day that some dying as  a "good" seam absurd and unnatural to us.  Even if their death is a blessing, such as the end of a long bout of suffering, it it always a sad day when someone we love and care about dies and departs from our presence.   How sad it is to think that our savior; our Lord had to suffer and die such a tragic death.  It seams like this day should be called "Bad Friday".  However, it's the unseen deed that took place on Calvary's Mountain that made that day "good".  It was the shedding of Jesus' innocent blood that would be used to cover all of my sins and grant me my ticket to live for eternity in heaven.  It's not that I'm glad that He suffered and died; in fact, it sickens me.  However, I am so thankful that He did.  This is why I  think this day is called "Good" Friday.

Fried Pickles Fit

Monday, April 25, 2011

OK, Just need to talk this out, please.  Tonight, I took the kids and granddaddy (who sat in the truck)   to Captain D's.  Dalton had wanted fried pickles.  Well, in the process of ordering, there was a miscommunication between the lady who took our order, him and I: She told him it would cost extra and  showed him what he could get as sides,  He said OK, assuming he would get the pickles.  Well somehow the pickles didn't get ordered.  Well, instead of nicely if he could order them, he got ugly and started throwing a fit, and said he wasn't;t does it and wanted to go out to the truck.  It was quite a scene.  Then Bobbye Sue got involved .  She went and told them that we wanted an order of pickle.  I politely told the lady "No thank you."  and explained to Bobbye Sue that she couldn't override me like that.  She turned on her big puppy dog eyes and said;  "Mama, I was just trying to be a good sister.: :cry:  I told her I knew that, but she need to let me be the mama.  Anyway, all the way home Dalton continued to fuss.  This of course upset DFIL.  I feel he think I'm a bad mother.  But I have to do what I think is best for them and giving in to them doesn't work.  They have to respect me.  I know Dalton  is growing up  and trying to figure  out who he is.  We had a(nother) long talk when we got home.  He said I don't love him.  I told him I did and that I pray, and cry and fret over him more than anything.  I told him my job is to raise him, not to bend to his every whim.  I told him that he may not really see how much I really love him until he's an adult and has kids.  I really think our talk planted a seed and In fact he called me from Granddaddy's before bed to say was really sorry and he loved me.    He's such a good kid and I know growing up is hard...All I can do is pray to the greatesr father of all.   I felt peaceful today, I usually feel like such I bad mama, but I just have this great sense of peace today that holding my ground  was the right thing to do

My Journey to God

Saturday, May 14, 2011

When I was born, I was a month early; I was breached and strangled by the umbilical cord. The doctors told my parents that if I lived; I’d probably be mentally retard, deaf and blind. They were told to more or less to leave me at the hospital and forget they had a daughter.   Fortunately, for me, God gave me a set of awesome parents who loved me and who refused to give up on me.

        When I was 2, I was diagnosed with Cerebrally Palsy.  My parents got me all the resources I needed.  When it came time for me to start school, they wanted the best for me there too.  They chose to send me to a Catholic school. My parents weren’t currently going to church when I was born.  When I was 7 the family joined the church.

        I was brought up with 5 brothers.  I really wasn’t treated differently because of my CP, but because I was the only girl.  I had as many, if not more, opportunities as the boys had. 

      I guess  I was about 12 or so when  I began to understand that I would always be disabled; up until them I honestly thought I would “outgrow” my CP.  I didn’t want to want to be disabled.  I loved God, but really could not understand why He’d made me disabled and how he could possible a person who was as broken as I was.    I suffered from depression and some emotional problems.  When I was 18, I spent 3 weeks in a psychiatric hospital.    While I was there, our priest came and visit me and he let me know that it was OK to question God and even be angry   now and then.    I also had the opportunity to attend  a weekend retreat called SEARCH. Through SEARCH, I learned that God wanted a personal relationship with me, just as I am: CP and all.    I didn’t have good enough to earn God’s love, you can’t earn God’s love it’s a gift freely given – we just have to accept it. 

        I started Middle Tennessee University in the fall of 1993.  My major was Social Work.  I really wanted to help people; however I also had a bigger dream.  I wanted to be a wife and mother.  I didn’t know if I could even have kids, nor did I know if some guy could love me with the CP  I really began to pray that I would meet my “soul mate”.

       In May of 1997, I took a 3 week philosophy class.  I met this guy there and I just knew he was “the one”.  He however, had different plans; he just wanted to ne “friends”.  So for a year, we were just that; friends.  I used to pray and cry myself to sleep and night, just hoping he’d fall in love with me.  He eventually did, and we were married on Nov. 7, 1998.  Looking back, I really do thank God for that year.  It gave us time to grow and get to know each other better. Marriage is a big responsibility; especially when there are issues involved that are outside of the norm. 

        I become pregnant on our honeymoon.  I was just about to turn 25 and we didn’t know if I could even have children.  God blessed us with 2;Dalton was born on July 13, 1999 and Bobbye sue was born on September 5, 2002.   I am a stay-at-home-mom.    When I was 6 months pregnant with Bobbye Sues, I was put in the hospital because of preterm labor.  I was in the hospital for 2 months before she was born.  She was perfectly healthy.

         I love being a wife and mother.  It’s a challenge at times.  We get weird looks whenever we go out as a family.  As the kids get older, it is obvious to the and their friends that we are not the typical family and as they grow we may have more challenges to face because of my CP,  but we know that we will continue to trust God and that even when the way seam rough, He will be our guide

Shaken To The Core -OLD POST

We recently got Direct TV and access to a DVR in our bedroom.  One of my new "guilty pleasure" is to record "Homekeepers" with Arthelene Rippy.  It's one of the show I've watched off and on for years.  I like it but it's one of the shows that comes on in the middle of the day and I forget about it.

     Anyway, I was watching it last night and she had a woman by the name of Anne Brooks on.  Mrs. Brooks had a daughter in the 60's 0r 70's (They didn't say for sure.  She's written a book called "If I Died, Will You still Love Me." Which I just ordered today.)  The daughter had Cerebral Palsy and she was taken away when she was 3 or so and put in state custody.  Her parents were accused of neglect and abuse.  They were only allowed to see her every now and then.  The parents were Christan and they had raised the girl in their faith, but she was told that it was a lie and `made me stop and think how blessed. 

        I was born in 1973 and my parents were told to leave me at the hospital, to go home and forget they ever had a daughter.  It seams so unreal that anyone would tell a parent that.  God certainly did bless me with the right parents.  They fought for me and were able to provide opportunities to me  that MANY disabled children didn't (& still don't) get.  My parents were a gift to me from God & I know I am  walking & talking miracle!  

      I can never say thank you enough; Of course Daddy's in heaven & he's not here for me to thank.  I did call Mama lat night.  But how do you say thank you?  That's right up there (almost) with saying thank you to Jesus for dying for my sins so I can have salvation.  There are no words; no actions; nothing I can do to express my gratitude towards them.  Which I know they don't want my thanks and they did it purely out of love to me and obedience to God, but I'm just having such a time of amazement after hearing Mrs. Brooks story and realizing how truly blessed I am.

        I took a class in college that talked about how different cultures and times in history dealt with sickness and disabilities and it was just mind boggling.    I'm just so thankful to God that I was born in the era I was, the country I was and the family I was.  That was totally ordained by God.

Bobby Sue's Friday Night Jaunt to the ER.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

So, it was the first "normal" Friday night of football season.   Can you tell I'm married to a sports announcer??? Barrett was gone to a game.  I had ordered pizza and was folding clothes and watch TV(and listening to the radio).  The kids were outside playing with the neighbors.  Suddenly, Dalton ran in and called "Mama!" with that voice that said, "There's something really wrong here."
      Bobbye Sue comes back to my room.  She was covered in blood from her nose to her throat.  At first, I wasn't sure where the blood was coming from.  I got her laying down on the bed and got the bleed stopped enough to see it was from her nose.  She said her (right) wrist hurt and the was I big knot on it,  and she cringed whenever I touched her.
     I told Dalton to call Granddaddy (Barrett's dad) and I hurried to get ready to go.  She was crying; Dalton kept saying, "I'm sorry, it's all my fault."
     Piece by piece, I gradually begin to comprehend what had happened.  Apparently they were "experimenting" with a new ways to use the tire swing.  She was lying on top of the tire, holding the rope and Dalton was swinging her by her legs.  (This is something I can imagine my brothers and I doing years ago.)
Well, needless to say, her hand slipped and she kissed the dirt.  It's been rumored that there was a dog leash involved too, but I chosen to close my "Mama" eyes to that little bit of information.  
     So we head off to the ER to find that Bobbye Sue did fracture her wrist.  (& yes, she is right handed and it is the start of a new school year.)    
     I must say, I'm really proud of Dalton; he stepped up and took care of his baby sister.  All went well until she asked him to hold the other hand while the doctor splinted the other and Dalton squeezed it too hard.  His reasoning; to divert the pain. 

Ahhh, I gotta love my little people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Could you Talk to Your Husband That Way?

Tuesday, September 6, 201

OK, so one of my "guilty pleasures" is watching the TV show "Bridezillas" on WE TV.  (I know I should but...)  Anyway, it's a very humorous, but sad  thing to see  how women treat the men that they are about to dedicate the rest of their life.  I'm by no means saying that I'm the perfect wife; I've said and done  things in the heat of the moment that I'm sure have  scared Barrett to the the core.  I just can't imagine talking to some one in such a negative, aggressive way.  I totally believe that when I speak negatively to my husband it breaks his  spirit.  I can think of many (older) couples who've been married for a while that take on the traits of the other spouse - the husband starts acting like the wife and the wife starts acting like the husband.  While it is very natural to become like the people who you are around  alot  - especially  those who you live.  However, I think  more often than that after years of being treated badly; that men become meek and let the woman  take control and thus the women decide that it is their duty to step up and take charge.  I remember sitting in a Sunday School with Barrett when we first got married; we were studying Adam and Eve and I suddenly understood Genesis 3:16 as I never have before.  It says; "...Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you."  I think most of us think of this as we should have physically desire for our husbands.  In a way this is true - we are to physically desire our husbands, but I believe it goes so much deeper.  Because of sin I have a natural desire to be in control, even to control Barrett.  Yes he knows all about his job  but I (THINK) I know what best for our family.   

My Thoughts on Marriage

Sunday, October 9, 201

 Today I'm thankful that God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me regardless of my many faults.  I am so undeserving.  Now, while my spiritual hearts knows this to be true too often my humanity tries to take over and gets in the way.  I start to thinking that Barrett "owes" me.  That he's the one who should be thankful because I'm so good to him.  I want him to think this way.  As little girls we grow up with this idea that we're going to meet, fall in love with and marry someone who thinks that we're just the sweetest, prettiest woman in the world and that we could do no wrong, even if we tried.
     Much I hate admit it; while I'll always think of Barrett as my Prince Charming, I am no princess.  I am not the perfect wife.  I fail him in every way.  Thankfully, he loves me anyway. It doesn't depend on how clean my house is or how delicious my meals are. Why I do want to try to keep a clean house and all that.  The bible says that God knows our heart.  We are very fortunate that God looks beyonds the actions to the heart.  If  our heart our right in trusting Him, then our actions - i.e. sins - are drenched in Jesus' blood and made as white as snow.  
        Marriage is the closet relationship that people can have this side of heaven; in fact marriage is the picture of Jesus and His church in the New Testament.  If God cared enough to place man and women in such a relationship with each other that it reflects His relationship with His people, how much does He think of it?  It really makes me stop and go; "WOW!"
        We live in a society that doesn't put much stock in marriage anymore.  It's no longer seen as a necessity.  I must admit that Barrett and I did live together for about six months before we got married; I think we both had our own reasons for doing so.  I think Barrett was unsure about marring someone with a disability, while I was more afraid that if I said "no", he'd leave me and go find someone else.  I was so immature!  He fell in love with me.  I didn't make him and he didn't choose it.  God gave us to each other.   Just as I didn't choose to follow God; He chose me to follow Him.
      Marriage is a honor;  not a curse, something I deserved or even something that I even have the right to want.  I do believe that it and motherhood are 2 of the highest callings that a woman can have.  It is truly a call to service

LIKE A COLD CUP OF COFFEE - I AM A BIT UNIQUE

I like cold coffee; and I'm not just talking iced mocha-although those are a fave - but coffee, cream and sugar.  I love coffee.  I'd love to drink it hot, but because of the CP & muscle spasm, drinking hot beverages doesn't lead to a pleasent sight!  So,it's much easier for me to drink it cooler or even stone cold.  Barrett will fix me a cup  before he goes to work & I'll drink later in the day.

Now, I'm not writing about this just to tell you I like cold coffee.  As I mentioned earlier, I am participating in theTitus 2 University.  Today I was listening to the first audio teaching and it got me thinking of how different I am from the "normal" mom.  Misty Krasawski, owner of theEncouraging Hearts at Home blog,  is a home schooling mom of eight.    She seams the "perfect"  woman.   As I started to listen, at first I felt really intimadated, but as I listened to   what she said about to letting go and letting God have the glory.  This snapped me back into reality.  While I may not be  the typical, "normal" mom, God has made me a mom. and a friend told me years ago that God gave mine children to me and no one else, He's a specific reason for me to be their mother and for them to be my children.  Psalm 139:14 says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."  I am a different kind of mother, but I have faith that I'm  exactly the mother He wants me to be.  So I can keep trudging along, doing the best I can to praise and glorify God.  It's OK to be a different type of mom.

Just like it's OK to drink a cold cup of coffee

Your personality; How striving for God affects your family.

Wednesday, January 11, 201

What are your core beliefs?  Your M.O.?  What's the driving force in your life?  What prehaps never before acknowledge belief is running your life?  I believe that the purpose at this time in my life is to be a good wife and mother.  I want our home to trully be a refuge for them, a safe haven for them to come in and escape the preasures of life.

How do you think this belief affects your family? When I truly focus on the belief and practice it there's peace and harmony in my home.

Do you deal with prefectionism as a mom?  UHM, how to answer this???  If you asked my Type A husband if I was a prefectionist, he'd answer you with a stern "NO!" in between laughs.  Not to many things in my life occur the way I plan them to.  Of course I want to be the perfect /ideal mom, but I fail daily.  Many times I feel that if I can't be perfect why try at all???

Prefection isn't God's will for you.

"Our children will feel the need for God through many things in life...including your failures."

Does this rub you the wrong way?  No, how we handle failures tells alot about our relationship with God and our beliefs.

Do you strive for prefection?  How does it make you feel that God will use your flaws to reach the heart of you kids?  Why it is scarey to have your kids to see your flaws, they need to know that 
we are human and make mistakes just like they do.

Read 2 Cor 4:7-11 "The probleml; we're just Earthen Vessels...yup, dirt and water."

What are some areas in your life, where you pretty aware of being "just earth"?  Whenever I meet another woman who appears to "have it all".

Does it makes better to know that because we're imperfect the glory goes to God?  As a Christain woman, yes of course I want God to have the glory, but as a human woman I want the glory.

In what areas in your life do you find it most  difficult to accept dying to yourself?  In just knowing that someone more able could be a better wife and mother to Barrett and the kids.

Does it help knowing that all this is "for Jesus sake"?  Yes, because it gives me hope that God does have a purpose for me and that there's a very devine plan for my life.  

The Promise?  His life!

When has Jesus' life shown up or been manifested when you were just to tired, weary or overwhalmed to go on?  Uhm, I've got to say I've never really thought about it.  But Luke 9:23 comes to mind.  It says; "...Whoever wants to be my disciple must take up their cross daily and follow me."   I can't say it doesn't get hard at times, but this is my life on earth.  Because of Jesus' love and sacrafice for me ensures me that my life in heaven will be perfect and this gives me hopee to carry on.  

What would it look like for you to choose to live like Jesus did - and does?  What needs to change?  I'd have to stop being so selfish.

What are some areas in which I need to really renew God's vison for my family?  First of all, I need to truly pray for God's wisdom.  I definitely know I need to work on preparing healthier meals andd keep the house cleaner.    I need to be a more patient and suportive wife and mother.