I AM WONDERFULLY MADE

Growing with Cerebral Palsy, I didn't see my self as "special" or "wonderfully made".  No, in fact it was quite the opposite.  There was something wrong with me.  I wasn't like everyone else.  Not only did the word "special" hold a negative quality; there was NOTHING special about me.  I wasn't pretty, I walked like i was drunk, (I don't drink anymore, but when I did I walked fine), people made fun of me when I talked, and assumed that I wasn't smart.

The worst thing, though, was the STARES! (Looking back on it, I should have pretended I was famous and acted like a diva!).  People naturally look at someone who is different from them and I must admit, I do too.

Psalm 139: 13 says:

13 For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb

My disability did not occur until after I was born; I was strangled by the umbilical cord.  Therefore, I know that I was created specifically in my mother's womb.  The Bible actually uses the word knit, which implies that God took His time and made me uniquely.  He created me to be loving and kind, to have a heart for people and compassion.  

Psalm 139:14 says;

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

While I don't think God caused me to be disabled, I do believe He allowed me to be disabled.  I praise Him for the Cerebral Palsy. (Not always, but I working on it.)    I believe that God allowed me to be disabled as part of my ministry.  I don't always understand why, but every now and then He gives me a glimpse of what my ministry is and it's beautiful!

Christianity and Mental Health - Part 2

There are many different theories and beliefs on mental health; in fact there are probably as many different opinions on mental health as they are types of mental illnesses themselves. Mental health has been around as long as life itself.  (I dare say Cain probably suffered severe when God abandoned him to the wilderness because he killed his bother).  Elijah (1 Kings 19:4), David (Psalms) and Job ( he has his own book) all suffered depression.
  
When we see that some of our biblical heroes, and even some of the biblical villains we love to hate like Saul and Nebuchadnezzar,  suffered with mental health issues.    It eases my mind some to know I'm in great company/
  
Solomon tells us in  Ecclesiastes 1:9`

History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new.

Many Christians, however, project a negative image onto Christians who admit that they struggle with their mental health.  Many people are made to feel like they don't believe in God, they don't have enough faith or they are made to feel like the struggle with mental health a sin.  Some Christians are made to feel like ashamed if they admit they have mental health because there are afraid of the backlash.  I've seen people being brow bested by well intended Christians who think that if the person would just "get religion" the will be healed. 

I can remember times when I was growing up and some people would see my physical disability and would say; "Bless your heart, I'll pray for you."  Now, don't get me wrong, MY God is a HEALING God, but if I don't get healed is doesn't my faith isn't strong enough or that I'm being punished for  something.  In fact , in my case at least, I think God allowed me to be physically disabled and someone who struggles with mental health, to give Him glory  and to show what a life can look like even though it may look to be damaged by others.

My ultimate prayer is  that the church and Christians  gain understanding of people who are struggling with their mental issue it is hard to understand; because it is so personal.  Unless you're the one struggling with mental health, or you're EXTREMELY close to the person who struggling with their mental health, you can't get it.  For me, at least, I can not describe my struggles with my mental health.  Their are no words, even though it makes total sense to me at the time.  When I try to express it out loud , it sounds just as illogical to me as it does to others.  But logic and mental health don't always go together.

Christianity and Mental Health ~ Part 1

May is mental health awareness month.  I didn't know this when I thought about doing a blog series on Christianity and mental health.  I  decided to do this because I do struggle with mental health while being a Christian.  I've hidden it, denied it. lied about it, blamed others for it, blamed me, and yes, I've even blamed God for it.   I take my medicine, I pray for it to go away and I've even attempted things like banging my head against a wall to reverse it.

While praying and taking my medication helps, I cannot deny any longer that I do struggle with mental health and have for most of my life.  

I have Cerebral Palsy caused by being strangled by the umbilical cord during birth. A lack of oxygen damaged my Cerebral Cortex, which not only controls my muscles but also my emotions.  I tend to get overly emotional over most things.  I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder:

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is a mental illness that brings severe high and low moods and changes in sleep, energy, thinking, and behavior. ... You can think of the highs and the lows as two "poles" of mood, which is why it's called "bipolar" disorder
https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/mental-health-bipolar-disorder

One thing that I struggle with most is the fear of not being able to take care of myself.  I'm not really afraid of being alone, but as far as being able to take care of my physical and finances, I'll probably never be too.  I know that I do have people who will take care of me.  It's a control thing.  I never considered myself a "control freak", but looking back on my life,  I can see where I was (am) a control freak.  Whether or not I can always control my emotions, when I don't take the time to breathe and pray, I'm going to go overboard every time.  However, when I take the time to breathe and pray, I can usually lessen the blow and the time that I am upset.  Unfortunately, I don't stop and do this as often as I should.

Trying to control something that is impossible to control is insane.  Albert Einstein is credited with saying; "The definition of insanity of doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.  I guess I keep expecting if I continue to have a negative reaction to a situation then it will result in a positive reaction.  Logically, I know that this scenario will never work out, but in my warped mind, I see it working as the perfect solution.

An Overview of Cerebral Cortex by Daniella Maydan

Daniella Maydan, studies at University of Michin (2021)


The cerebral cortex is gray matter that acts as the outer layer of neural tissue that covers the cerebrum (most anterior part of the brain) in humans and other mammals. It is around 2-4 millimeters thick in humans, and contains around 70% of the brain's 100 billion neurons. It is split into a left hemisphere (controls the right side of the body) and right hemisphere (controls the left side of the body), and into four different lobes: the parietal lobe, frontal lobe, temporal lobe, and occipital lobe. The cerebral cortex plays a large role in memory, attention, perception, awareness, thought, language, and consciousness.
As each of the lobes (and the cortexes located in each lobe) hold different functions, damage to the cerebral cortex can cause many different problems, depending on which part of the cerebral cortex was injured.

The frontal lobe is involved in personality, emotions, decision making, speech, body movement, and more. It contains the pre-frontal cortex, which plays a part in processing short/long term memories. The left frontal lobe is mostly involved in controlling language related functions, while the right frontal lobe is mostly involved in non-verbal functions. Frontal lobe damage has been associated with poor control of facial expression, loss of fine movements and arm strength, and interference with attention and memory. Frontal lobe injuries also commonly cause dramatic changes in social and sexual behavior.

The parietal lobe is involved in integrating sensory information; it interprets speech, controls sense of touch and pain, and is in charge of spatial and visual perception. It contains the Sensory Cortex, which receives information from the spinal cord in regards to movement and the position of various body parts, and the Motor Cortex, which helps the brain control movement. Damage to the Parietal Lobe can cause one to experience abnormalities in body image and spatial relations. Damage to the left parietal lobe can often times cause "Gerstmann's Syndrome," which can lead one to experience left-right confusion, writing difficulties (agraphia), and difficulties with mathematics (acalculia). It can also result in language disorders (aphasia) and inhibit one's ability to perceive objects (agnosia). Contrastingly, damage to the right parietal lobe can cause difficulty in self-care, such as dressing and washing oneself (contralateral  neglect), making things (constructional apraxia), and drawing. Damage to both sides of the Parietal Lobe (Bi-lateral damage) can result in "Balint's Syndrome," a disorder that causes visual attention and motor problems. Symptoms include the inability to control gaze (ocular apraxia), a deficit in integrating components of a visual scene (simultanagnosia), and trouble reaching for physical objects without visual guidance (optic ataxia).

The temporal lobe is involved in understanding language, memory, and hearing. It contains Wernicke's area, which is thought to help the body formulate and understand speech. Temporal lobe injuries can cause an array of problems relating to visual and auditory perception. Damage to the left temporal lobe can result in a  decreased recall of verbal and visual content. Damage to the right temporal lobe can result in a decline in artistic ability, such as a decline in musical and drawing skills.

The occipital lobe interprets vision (color, light, movement). It contains Broca's area, which controls the facial neurons and helps with the understanding of speech and language. Disorders of the occipital lobe can cause visual hallucinations and illusions. It can also cause the affected person to experience an abnormality in object color, and visual and writing impairments.