LUKE

I USED TO WANT TO MAKE YOU CRY, 

NOW I JUST WANT TO DRY YOU TEARS.

I USED TO TRY TO PULL YOU DOWN, 

NOW I JUST WANT TO HOLD YOU UP.

I USED TO FIGHT TO HAVE MY VOICE BE HEARD,  

NOW, I JUST WANT TO SIT IN SILENCE WITH YOU.

YOU'VE LOST SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T GIVE YOU BACK.

I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW YOU FEEL,

PLEASE KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

AND I ALWAYS WILL.

A PURPOSE

The word disability seam to have a negativity vibe from it, but it doesn't have to be.  I'm not going to lie, it can be challenging.  But life in general is hard.  Everyone has their  "vice" and my Mama always says that you can always find someone who is worse  than you.  This is very hard at times. As humans, we have a sinful nature.  A former pastor used to use the expression, "Me and me three"  referring to his wife and two sons.  That is how most us think.  
Now, I'm not ignoring that a disability can devastating;  both to the individual and their care taker(s).   And it may be the worst thing to happen.:  there is no way to down play this.  A disability can be very stressful.  And I pray for the millions of people who are suffering from a disability and those who care for them whose lives are fill with pain and just going on fumes; just trying to make it through another day.
I am fortunate that my disability isn't the worst thing in my life.  In fact, if  anything, it has been a blessing in my life; giving me opportunities that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't been disability: I went to one of the best schools in Nashville, I got to meet people I would have never had met.  I got to go to college and and meet my husband. I was told that i would never married or have kids.   I've been married over 18 years.  We have a 17 year old son and a 14 old daughter.  The loves of my life.
Most importantly, my disability led me to my faith in Christ.  My relationship with God is the most important relationship I have, that anyone has.  A lot of people blame God  for their disability, for all of their problems.  And yes, I have done this many times in my life.  I don't . believe God made me disabled, but I believe that He slowed me to be disabled for a (or some ) reason(s).  I gathered this information through the book of Job.    I don't completely  understand why God allowed  me to be disabled and there are days when I hate being disabled with every fiber of my body.  However, ever now and then, I get a glimpse of why I am disabled and it is beautiful!

WHEN I FIRST REALIZED...

I'm sitting here listening to sermons on disabilities ,  and it took me back to ` first time I realized I was disabled.  I was in first grade and I was going to a slumber party at Easter Seals ~ an organization  that helped families and people with disabilities.  We had been going there as long as I could remember.  
    My mama took me and was going to stay until I got comfortable.  I went to  school where I was the only disabled student in the entire school. I think my mama wanted me to be around other disabled children..
      It freaked me out!  It was kind of  like looking in a mirror and seeing my self for the first time time and I didn't think I was pretty.  Some people may think it is selfish.  But sometimes, in the midst of self-discovery, you have to be a little bit selfish.  You have to be able to look at the bad side of an issue to truly understand it.  I think we as people, even as children, we don't like to "different" from others.  It's unnatural, but at the same time it is very natural.. 
     I wish I could say, I was able to get over my fear and that I stayed all night, but I ended up going home with my mama.  I wish I could say I never felt this way again.  But I can't say that.  Even now, as an older woman who's a wife and mother, I still at times, feel like the odd man out,  However, I now know that I'm  not "different"  God just made me "UNIQUE"