Mental Health Mondays: My Definition of My Mental Health

 

Photo by PNGTREE

According to the  Mayo Clinic

Mental health is the overall wellness of how you think, regulate your feelings and behave. Sometimes people experience a significant disturbance in this mental functioning. A mental disorder may be present when patterns or changes in thinking, feeling or behaving cause distress or disrupt a person's ability to function. A mental health disorder may affect how well you:

• Maintain personal or family relationships
• Function in social settings
• Perform at work or school
• Learn at a level expected for your age and intelligence
• Participate in other important activities

Cultural norms and social expectations also play a role in defining mental health disorders. There is no standard measure across cultures to determine whether a behavior is normal or when it becomes disruptive. What might be normal in one society may be a cause for concern in another.

That being said, I think most people have their own idea of what mental health is.  Now I'm not saying that a diagnosis isn't important; it is VERY  important!!! However, each mental illness affects the patient differently.  I am Bi-Polar, and my sister (this is just an example) is also Bi-Polar.  I get depressed and manic to the point of crying, yelling, and pulling my hair out.  She goes on a wild girl's night out one night;  she's bouncing off the walls and the start of the night and crying (to the point of sobbing) into her beer at the end of the night. Her symptoms occur for 2 or 3 days a month, whereas mine occurs for a couple of weeks a month.

Ok, this example is a bit extreme, but you get my drift...

The point is, I know what my mental illness is.  I don't why  I'm  Bi-Polar or why I react the way I do when  I have a  Bi-Polar episode, but I know what it means to me.

This is also true about my Cerebral Palsy.  I don't why it happen or why my body reacts to the CP, but I know my definition of what CP means to me.

It is very important to be aware of any illnesses we have.

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Mental Health Monday: How Isolation is Affected By A Disablity

 

Photo by pixy.org

So, I have COVID again.  I think this is the 3rd time.

I have talked about isolation elsewhere in my blog.  I've heard on the news that experts haven't yet seen how COVID and isolation have and will affect people's mental illness

However, I can talk about my Cerebral Palsy and the isolation that goes along with it.

I think anything that causes you to feel different than others can cause you to feel isolated.

Thus many, probably most of us, feel isolated now and then.

Isolation is lonely.  It's like being stuck on an iceberg,  surrounded by islands.  You know others are there, but you can't get to them.

Remember that feeling as a kid of being picked last (or never) for dodgeball?

Even though I know many disabled people, many people with CP, in my own warped thinking, I think nobody can understand how I feel.

People may call us selfish, but when we are in the thick of their situation, we don't know how we would react.

I think there is a difference between feeling a natural genuine reaction to a problem and feeling sorry for yourself and entitled to something.

Even more than that, I think we need to have compassion for those who feel isolated.  We need to be able to look with love at people and see that they're hurting; not judge them because they're hurting.

So, as we're considering what mental illness looks like in a posted COVID world, and its isolation, we need to be gentle and caring, remembering that we are sailing in uncharted waters.

About Me Tuesday ~ A Letter To My Cerebral Palsy

 

`Dear Cerebral Palsy

You are my oldest friend and confidant.  I can't escape you; even when I want to more than anything.  You caused me my first physical pain and also my first heartache.  You took my breath away along with my voice.  When I tried to stand up, you would pull my back down.

As we got older, we had a battle of wills; this is a constant that continues to this day.  

One area that you did not overcome was my intellect.  I loved school.  I was very good at reading and writing; math, not so much.  

When we became teenagers, you invited someone else into our friendship.  Bipolar.

She was jealous of everything we had and the accomplishment that we had made and she drove a wedge between us.  She was bossy and always had to be in control; even to this day.

As we got older, both of you begin to fight over me.  Then, the fighting stopped.  When the fighting stopped, the silence started.  This silence was very frightening because that is when the two of you teamed up against me. 

Even though you both teamed up, you have your own identity  

Because of this, you will be held accountable for all you've done to me.

However, dear CP,  I can't say we haven't had our good times.  Like I said at the beginning of this letter, you are my oldest friend.  You offered me a certain comfort that I can't describe and  I doubt anyone could understand without experiencing it for themselves.

You have given me opportunities and have allowed me to have relationships that I could have never had if I hadn't been disabled.

 You have taught me how to be patient and understanding.  

You have given me a "peace that surpasses all understanding" Philippians 4:7 (ESV).

Because of you, I have a beautiful relationship with GOD that I probably wouldn't have had if I hadn't had CP.  I've learned how to deal with you.

Well, dear CP, that's all for now.

Love & Hate

Me

Mental Health Monday ~Naming My Alter Egos

 

Photo by Freeimges

I have tried to be open and transparent about my Bipolar and any other disabilities I have or may have.

I do this in hopes that my story may help someone else.

That being said, I have decided to name my alter egos.

I say egos because when I'm MANIC I'm bouncing off the walls.

But when I am depressed, I mainly get tired.

It's harder to tell when I'm depressed than when I'm manic.  I think this is because of the Cerebral Palsy may age and the natural state I'm in,  I'm already at that level where it's hard to distinguish between depression and the level that my disability has me at.   

That's why I want to name my alter egos.  One name should be spunky and upbeat.  The other name should be gravely and harsh.

I'm open to suggestions.  Comment below.!.

  

Mental Health Mondays - Self Harms

 

*Disclaimer-I am NOT talking about suicide here.- Disclaimer*

Self-harm is a hard subject to talk about.  People naturally think; Why would anyone  to hurt themselves.  I think it may be easier to accept a person taking their own life than to know someone who physically hurt themselves.

All I can do is speak for myself.  

For me it wasn't really about physically hurting myself, it was more of a psychological release.   I get all these pent up negative that keep building up in side of me.  I didn't want to physically hurt others, so hurting myself was the only logical solution.

I think it started out with the biting..  It was the easiest thing to do when I was little.  I never bit myself hard enough to cause pain,  It a cry out of frustration.  Biting myself was easy.  The a close proximity of my arm to my mouth allowed me to bite myself, often without anyone even noticing. 

Hitting myself was, is, a 2 ply reaction.  The is the natural, in the moment, state of hitting the side of the head with close fists.  This wast more obvious and was used when I wanted people to see my frustrations.

Then there was the there was the head banging.  I would literally bang my head against the wall.  I  mostly did this one in private. I believed, and I wish I could say this belief was only when I was little, that if brain damage caused the CP and all its problem , then maybe it I caused more brain damage would reverse it...(Yeah, didn't think one out clearly.).

My latest vice is pulling my hair out.  This goes from simply my hair gently pulling my hair one strand at a time to ripping out fistfuls of hair.  .  This too can be done in a minuscule way so no one knows you doing it.  If I keep my hair put up, I'm less likely to pull it

So, that's the ugly, uglier and ugliest of self harm.

10 Thing to Know About Me

I love GOD

I have Cerebral Palsy

I have 5 brothers & two sisters

1 have been married almost 24 years to Barrett

I have 2 kids: Dalton & Bobbye

Megan is my daughter-in-love

My favorite book is Ruth

I live in a nursing home

My 3 favorite "chick" flicks are

Steel Magnolias

Beaches

and 

Step Mom

My favorite drink is cherry vanilla Dr.  Pepper

 (from Sonic, of course)

 

Christianity and Mental Health ~ Part 1

May is mental health awareness month.  I didn't know this when I thought about doing a blog series on Christianity and mental health.  I  decided to do this because I do struggle with mental health while being a Christian.  I've hidden it, denied it. lied about it, blamed others for it, blamed me, and yes, I've even blamed God for it.   I take my medicine, I pray for it to go away and I've even attempted things like banging my head against a wall to reverse it.

While praying and taking my medication helps, I cannot deny any longer that I do struggle with mental health and have for most of my life.  

I have Cerebral Palsy caused by being strangled by the umbilical cord during birth. A lack of oxygen damaged my Cerebral Cortex, which not only controls my muscles but also my emotions.  I tend to get overly emotional over most things.  I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder:

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is a mental illness that brings severe high and low moods and changes in sleep, energy, thinking, and behavior. ... You can think of the highs and the lows as two "poles" of mood, which is why it's called "bipolar" disorder
https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/mental-health-bipolar-disorder

One thing that I struggle with most is the fear of not being able to take care of myself.  I'm not really afraid of being alone, but as far as being able to take care of my physical and finances, I'll probably never be too.  I know that I do have people who will take care of me.  It's a control thing.  I never considered myself a "control freak", but looking back on my life,  I can see where I was (am) a control freak.  Whether or not I can always control my emotions, when I don't take the time to breathe and pray, I'm going to go overboard every time.  However, when I take the time to breathe and pray, I can usually lessen the blow and the time that I am upset.  Unfortunately, I don't stop and do this as often as I should.

Trying to control something that is impossible to control is insane.  Albert Einstein is credited with saying; "The definition of insanity of doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.  I guess I keep expecting if I continue to have a negative reaction to a situation then it will result in a positive reaction.  Logically, I know that this scenario will never work out, but in my warped mind, I see it working as the perfect solution.

Stumbling Blocks

Photo by PNGTREE

When I learned to walk, it was not like other kids walked, I more or less just stumbled about wherever I went.  (Not much has changed in 40+ years)  As I grew, I graduated from a walker to crutches and eventually to walking on my own; yet, actually, I just became a better stumbler.  My favorite aid to assist me in the process was my father.  Daddy, in his prime, stood six feet seven inches tall!  He was known among my friends as "The Giant".  Daddy was a very strong guy and this really showed when he was walking with me.  I can't remember ever falling; somehow he always managed to catch me and keep me steady.  Although Daddy couldn't physically keep me from stumbling, he did everything he could to keep me from falling.  When I did fall, Daddy did whatever he could to encourage me to get back up and try again.

        I have another Father who does the exact same thing!  This is God.  He is so big and strong.  He holds me in His arms at all times.  Even though He doesn't always remove all the stumbling blocks from my life, He does guide me down the path and He is there to pick when I fall.

                                                                               It has been a long time since I've gotten to stumble beside my Daddy. I grew up, as little girls do, and my paths did not always cross with his.  I suppose the last time I got to stumble with him was down the church aisle at my wedding when he handed me over to the man that I will stumble my life away with.  After I had my two precious babies, I had a hip replacement, which has helped my stumbling a lot.  My daddy is no longer here on this earth to stumble about with me.  And even though when I reach heaven, I won't be stumbling anymore, I know that both my Fathers will be waiting to walk me down those streets of gold