Mental Health: The Art of Being Alone

 Having a mental illness is very lonely.

It is said, we all die alone.

But, for the most part, we all live alone too.

People without a mental illness can't understand why a person with a mental illness thinks the way they do.

My mind is constantly racing:  Did I say thank you to that person who held the door open for me?  If I thought the way so and so did I'd be happy.  I wouldn't have dropped my drink on the ground if only I'd paid more attention.  If I prayed more I wouldn't have impure thoughts.  If I was a better friend, that person feel so alone.

IF...IF...IF....

I worry that my thinking is flawed and somehow that makes me a worse person than others. 

Because others can't understand my way of thinking, I feel constantly judged by them.

The thing about being alone is that the longer you're alone, the more used to being alone you get.  If you're alone long enough, you may get to the point where you prefer it that way.

I take several different medicines for my mental illness.  Many of the meds make me tired.  However, if I don't take my meds, my mental illness gets worse; thus it is a trade-off.

I can be alone and not have my mental illness hurt others OR  I can be with others and risk hurting them because I'm mentally ill.

UHM...

I would rather be alone than hurt the ones I love.  

But, do I have enough strength to perfect the art of being alone???

About Me Tuesday: Loneliness

 

Photo by Kind PNG        

"The Lord God says it is not good for man to be alone." Gen 2:18

I tested positive for COVID, and many other residents did too.   So, once again, we're grounded to our room.

I currently do not have a roommate, which for the most part, I love.  It is nice to have your own refuge to retreat to.

But...I start to go a little stir-crazy when I can't get out for a couple days.

However, life at the Waters is never dull.

We have more than one "wanders" on our hall.  Some of them like to go into others' rooms without being invited.

Well, one resident called the police because there was someone that kept coming in and out of her room.

I guess the social worker/gerontologist in me got upset because I know and understand that some residents don't realize what they're doing and it needs to be handled by the people who run the nursing home.

or

Maybe it's because a couple of months ago, a tech, who had no right to do it, called the cops on me because I got upset.  She had gone `over the nurses and even the director of nurse's, head. and had me sent to the hospital.  She no longer works here - but that's a story for another day.

Hopefully, on Friday I will be released to rip and from through the halls again.