Mental Health: The Art of Being Alone

 Having a mental illness is very lonely.

It is said, we all die alone.

But, for the most part, we all live alone too.

People without a mental illness can't understand why a person with a mental illness thinks the way they do.

My mind is constantly racing:  Did I say thank you to that person who held the door open for me?  If I thought the way so and so did I'd be happy.  I wouldn't have dropped my drink on the ground if only I'd paid more attention.  If I prayed more I wouldn't have impure thoughts.  If I was a better friend, that person feel so alone.

IF...IF...IF....

I worry that my thinking is flawed and somehow that makes me a worse person than others. 

Because others can't understand my way of thinking, I feel constantly judged by them.

The thing about being alone is that the longer you're alone, the more used to being alone you get.  If you're alone long enough, you may get to the point where you prefer it that way.

I take several different medicines for my mental illness.  Many of the meds make me tired.  However, if I don't take my meds, my mental illness gets worse; thus it is a trade-off.

I can be alone and not have my mental illness hurt others OR  I can be with others and risk hurting them because I'm mentally ill.

UHM...

I would rather be alone than hurt the ones I love.  

But, do I have enough strength to perfect the art of being alone???