A START ANEW

 Heyia!!!  So, it's been a moment or two since I've blogged.  It's been four years and coincides with a major change in my health and my life.  In the summer of 2018, we went to Florida and I fell in the bathroom.  It was then I looked at Barrett and said; "Its time."

We always knew that there was a high possibility  I would end up in a long term care facility.  It was hard to make the decision.   I have always told Barrett that I wanted to be one to decide when I needed more help.  I didn't want him or especially Dalton and Bobbye to have to make that decision and feel guilty: they do feel to some extent.  It's one thing to have to decide as a middle aged adult to put your elderly parent (65+) into a nursing facility, it's another to be 19 and 16 to have put your 45 year old Mama in one.

I have many people who judge us; especially Barrett.  It is easy to say;  "Well, I'd  never do that to my loved one."  You don't know what you'd do in our situation.  A couple of days before I moved in here, I fell.  I didn't have my phone (my fault).  Barrett was at work, Bobbye was at school and Dalton was asleep at the other end of the house.  I laid here for a couple of hours.  They needed to be able to  go out and do what they  need to do without worrying about me being OK.  The kids have to have their own life.  People like to say "O, why don't you have home health come and help out?"  Great idea!  Home health is expensive, and most insurance doesn't pay for it.  My Mama has some friends who are a bit more financially comfortable than we are, they've been using home health for about 2 years and it's really been rough for them.  I don't think that when we judge others and say "Well, if..." we count all the costs, because we don't know all the costs.  I'm also bipolar, which can be just as taxing, if not more, as a physical disability on a relationship.  It's better for all of us to see each other once or twice a week and have a really good time, than to  be with each other day by day and be stressed and even resentful towards each other.