WHY I LOVE PSALM 139

Some of my favorite verses in the bible; I dare to say it's even my life verses is Psalm 139:  7-14

Psalm 139:7-14English Standard Version (ESV)

7 

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

    Or where shall I flee from your presence?

8 

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

9 

If I take the wings of the morning

    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 

even there your hand shall lead me,

    and your right hand shall hold me.

11 

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

    and the light about me be night,”

12 

even the darkness is not dark to you;

    the night is bright as the day,r

    for darkness is as lie ght with you.

13 

For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]

Wonderful are your works;

    my soul knows it very well. 

These are the types of verses that lead to jaw dropping moments.  It tells us that we cannot hide from God and He will always guide us,  Then, as if that wasn't great enough, He created me!  He didn't mold me out of clay and breathe breath into my nostrils, a miracle in itself.  But He knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I'm ashamed to say that I didn't always feel special.  As a child with a physical disability I fell more outcast than chosen.  There was nothing "special" about me.  I had nothing to offer the world.  I could not see past the selfishness of my heart.  I even blamed my parents, especially my mama for causing me to be disabled.  I didn't deserve to be disabled.  Why me?

Then, something amazing happened...I became pregnant!

It went against all odds; against what doctors said couldn't happen.  It went against what people said should happen.  God had answered my prayers.  I was going to have a baby.  On of the coolest things I've seen is when I was taking a bath one night the baby kicked me and I was able to see  Dalton's little foot.  It suddenly hit me...I had a ling person inside of me.  God has chosen Bryan and I to create this beautiful little boy who I loved and I didn't even know him yet

There's nothing like watching a child grow up, especially if the have one or more siblings,  It's amazing how kids that came from the same parent can be so different.  Only God  can do that.

Psalm 139:7-14 reminds me that I was created for a reason. God knew I would be disabled and have struggles, but God knew I'd meet the love of my life at a MTSU philosophy class that neither of us needed to take.  He knew that we would have these two wonderful kids who have grown up with the unique advantage of having a disabled mama.  God knew that I'd would fall in love with Him because I would be sent to a Christian school for disabled children.

HE KNEW BECAUSE HIS KNITTED ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB. 

CLUES TO THE PUZZLE

Today I release myself to You.  You know me inside and out, hast as Psalm 139 says.  I can't remember a time when I didn't love You or when I didn't feel loved by You.  I don't deserve Your love;  I can't earn it.  But You gave me the gift of You Son wrapped in a crimson red bow.  I'll never know what you see in me, but I'm so thankful that you see me through Christ's blood and not through my own merit.  Only you can see deep into my soul and still love me.  You alone know all my secrets, thoughts and feelings; even better than I do.  Nothing catches you of guard. There's no where I can go where You can't see me and nothing I can say  that you can't hear because You're always within ear shot.  So much of my life is a mystery to me, but You O God, hold all the clues and  reveal  one by one; when you know I can handle them.  Some how the clues complete me and fit snugly into this puzzle I call life;  a puzzle that only You can see for now.  I won't see it completed until You show me my life in review when I meet You face to face.

                                                 

SEEKING GOD AS A PRECIOUS JEWEL

I've been listening to this song lately.   This was a theme song one year at the women's retreat that my friend, Becki, and I attend every year. I'm sitting here wondering do I truly seek Jesus as the precious jewel He is or do I treat Him like and as a genie` in a lantern that I put on the back burner of my heart until I need him again?  Honestly, I probably do a little of both.  There are times when I'm so in tune with God that I get a glimpse of what Heaven may be like.  Then there are times when I feel so disconnected from God that He seems like a total stranger to me.  I wish I could say I got to busy or something r more important came up.  I can't.  it's a matter of choosing what I want to do.  It's a heart issue.  Am I going to choose to study and prayer of am I going to choose to watch one more episode of that TV show that I shouldn't be watching?  Uhm... why are that we don't (or me maybe even want) wrapped  in such beautiful and a luring paper?  The easy answer is to say the DEVIL.  O God, I wanted to study but Satan made me do it.  God must get so sick of us saying that.  We can be tempted by Satan, but we have to take responsibility of responding to that temptation.  (Remember His servant Job???)  
In Romans 7:15 Paul say "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but that I hate I do."  I think through serious prayer and dedication to change.`  I've struggling with things for years, decades even, that I need to change.  It's easy for me to play the victim and say "That's just who I am.  But that's not who God created me to be.  I was created to seek, and find, Jesus as the precious jewel that He is.  He me; not some of me or my leftovers.   He wants ALL of me.  Not because He's a selfish control freak.  Simply because He LOVES me.

Dalton's Mommy

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I wrote this when my son was about 3 months old. Hope to get it published as a children's book one day.

Dalton’s Mommy
Hello, my name is Dalton Keith and I want to tell you about my mommy. She has a disability called Cerebral Palsy, CP for short. CP affects how Mommy walks and talks and everything else she does. Before I was born Mommy had to be extra careful not to fall and hurt me in her tummy. When I was a baby Mommy pushed me in my stroller, even in the house, so she wouldn’t fall while she was carrying me. Daddy said I was Supper Baby because as rough as Mommy was with me, I never got hurt. Mommy walk funny. She told me that one time a little girl asked her why she had two broken legs. I laughed. Her legs aren’t broken; they’re just crooked. When we go shopping, my mommy drives a scooter so she won’t get so tired. Sometimes I ride in her lap, but sometimes I hold Daddy’s hand and walk like a big boy. We also get to park in the blue parking places. Mommy talks funny too. My friends will ask me what she said, but I know what she says. Mommy makes messes, but she cleans them up. She gets made if I don’t clean up my messes. Sometimes people laugh at my mommy and call her names. This makes me sad. Daddy said it is because they don’t know how special Mommy is. Mommy and Daddy and I laugh a lot too and this makes me happy. Some people think my mommy isn’t smart but before I was born she went to college. That is where she met Daddy. Sometimes I wish Mommy didn’t have Cerebral Palsy. Mommy said she wished I wouldn’t chase our dog Princess around and try to ride her. Mommy takes good care of me and Daddy and my little sister. I love my Mommy.

My Hero- My Behind the Scenes Mama

Thursday, October 21, 2010

     If  you had asked me growing up who my biggest supporter was I would have said my Daddy.  My Daddy was a great daddy!  He was the more vocal voice.  When I was born they basically told my parents to go home, leave me at the hospital and forget they every  had a daughter.  I wasn't expected to live, and even if I did live I was expected to be a vegetable and have all sorts of health issues; including mental retardation.  My Daddy told them ; No, that I was going to live and that I was going to have a "normal" life.  My parents both fought for me, but I guess I remember Daddy being my "vocal" about.it.  My Daddy had a very strong and domineering personality about him; the kind that simply demanded respect.  My Mama was/is more of a behind the scenes type of person.  Looking back I can say it was Mama who was the true super hero in my life:  She took me to all my doctors and speech appointments.  She's the one who helped me do leg exercises every night.  It was Mama who drove me back and forth to school for ten years just so I could go to one of the best schools in Nashville in order to receive a good education.  I loved my mom, but I didn't give her the respect she deserved.  I was jealous of her:.  She was "normal" and "perfect" and I would never be.  I blamed her for my disability.  I had came out of her body.  I expected her to always take care of me, according to my standards which were set way to high.  She was a stay-at-home-mom and I just thought that was so uncool.  All my friends' mom worked and I saw them as what  I wanted to be.  When she started nursing school my freshmen year of high school, I was elated. I seriously thought she wanted a career beyond being a wife and mother, she didn't.  She was doing what she had to in order to take care of her family.
      I've learned so much about my mom by becoming a mom.  I can still hear her saying, "I hope  you have a kid just like you!"  I see myself in Dalton constantly, especially as we tread through these preteen years. Bobbye Sue however, is just like.  I sometimes wonder if God placed me in the middle of those three simply for his own amusement.  Mama has taught me many things; to be patient, to love unconditionally; to forgive willing and to always follow.  Mama and I are very different people in many ways.  She's gone through things that I can't even fathom.  She's a lot stronger person than I though she was.  Like I said earlier she was/is a very behind the scenes person.  And now as I'm a wife and a mother that what I want to be.  This is very biblical.  No one on earth loved Jesus more than Mary did, however she too was very much a behind the scenes person.  She was there when He needed her; to support, but she knew that much of Jesus' life was going to a solo journey.  As I think about the relationship I have with my kids and reflect on the relationship I have with Mama, I think of John 3:30 where John the Baptist tells his disciples; "He must increase, but I must decrees."  (HCSB)  We have to let our kids grow up and be who God wants them to be.  My mom gave me everything she and then some in order to take care of me;  She did it willing and without expectation in return.  I'm sure in many ways, her and my family's could have been less complicated had they chosen to deal with my disability, but they chose to take the high road and do what was best for me.  As a Mama, I too am called to prepare my kids and then step back and watch them  soar.  This can be difficult in so many ways: First, it's natural to worry about them. and then I think; "Well, that's not how I would have done it; how I told them them to do it!"  Self keeps reaping back  in, trying to steel the spotlight and it isn't even my scene!   How can I expect them to live a good and godly life when I am constantly trying to run in and still the glory  I am proud to confess that when I grow up I want to be just like my Mama.  She's strong, kind, loving...I don't know if I'll make it but that's my aim

No Broken Bones

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

      So, today as I was sitting in the truck while the kids and Barrett went in Shoe Carnival, I took out my bible and turned to Psalm.  I ran across PS. 34: 19-21 which says; 

      "The righteous person may have many troubles, 
   but the LORD delivers him from them all; 
²⁰ he protects all his bones, 
   not one of them will be broken.

 ²¹ Evil will slay the wicked;
   the foes of the righteous will be condemned."

     

     I was in total awe when I read this; especially verse 20!  Out of all my years of walking (and falling)  I've never broken a bone.  I did crack my pinkie finger when I was a kid.  I've had to get stitches  a couple of time; I still get dizzy at times from my infamous concussion last year; and I have many scares and bruises that decorate my body buy no broken bones to claim.  This is truly a miracle.  When I read this passage it just truly made me think; "Man God is so good!"  He Has protected me from physically injuries many, many times, And He's protected more times than against all the spiritual blunders I've had.  I know that I could fall tonight and seriously  hurt myself tonight, it wouldn't mean that I'm in any less way protected by God.  If He see fit to let me have a broken bone He'll give me what I'll need to deal with it, just as he allowed Jesus to die for the forgiveness of my sins so that I could live with him in Heaven.  This concept of no broken bones is quite interesting  because Jesus at the time of the crucifixion  which fulfills prophecy.  

Jn 19:31-37 tells us 

"Now it was the day of Preparation, and the next day was to be a special Sabbath. Because the Jewish leaders did not want the bodies left on the crosses during the Sabbath, they asked Pilate to have the legs broken and the bodies taken down. 32 The soldiers therefore came and broke the legs of the first man who had been crucified with Jesus, and then those of the other. 33 But when they came to Jesus and found that he was already dead, they did not break his legs. 34 Instead, one of the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side with a spear, bringing a sudden flow of blood and water. 35 The man who saw it has given testimony, and his testimony is true. He knows that he tells the truth, and he testifies so that you also may believe. 36 These things happened so that the scripture would be fulfilled: “Not one of his bones will be broken,”[a] 37 and, as another scripture says, “They will look on the one they have pierced.”[b]

   A biblical sacrifice had to be presented with out any blemishes  Leviticus 1:3 says:

 ³ “‘If the offering is a burnt offering from the herd, you are to offer a male without defect. You must present it at the entrance to the tent of meeting so that it will be acceptable to the LORD."

Not only Has God always protected my bones, He first protected Christ's bones so that He would remain the prefect, unblemished sacrifice for my sin.

What would I tell a 16 year old version of myself

Thursday, December 30, 2010

So, Midday Connection asked the question the other day on the radio:  What would you say to a 16 year old you?  Now that's a loaded question if there ever was one  I turned 16 on November 29,  1989.  Two very determining factors that would alter my life forever happened within two weeks of my sixteenth birthday.  First, my Daddy was in a horrific accident that  nearly killed him.  He was hunting in Sherwood and feel out of a tree stand.  I'm ashamed to say I don't remember a lot  about the accident.  I honestly don't know if I have just blocked it out of my memory, or if I was just a selfish girl at heart who thought of nothing or no one but herself.  Sadly and with deep regret, I fear it was the latter one.

     The other thing that happen was I attended a retreat called SEARCH where I fell totally in love with God.  I had been a Christian.  My family had started going to church when I was 7.  I always loved church and God,  but that weekend at SEARCH was when I started to understand that God loved me and wanted a personal relationship with me.  I wasn't suppose to be at SEARCH that weekend.  It was reserved for Juniors  and Seniors i n high school.  Even though I was sixteen, I was a lowly freshmen - I have a late birthday, plus I went to a preschool for disabled students until 7 and my parent wanted me to go into to the first grade   Needless to say, I'm older than many of my friends.  But it never fails to amaze me how God's way are greater than my ways; And He always knows exactly what we need exactly when we need it.  I can't tell you anything specific that happen that weekend that changed my life  It was what the future would bring that would change my life.  God used a weekend retreat to strengthen my life forever.
     My Daddy was never quite the same after the accident.  I really think he suffer brain damage,  He changed.  It is not my desire to bash my Daddy here.   I loved him.  He made some choices, that I prayer I'll never make, but I respect his choices because I do  believe that they were part of the path of his life.    Some of the choices he made impaired the rest of the family.  It was through what I learned through SEARCH that allowed me to survive that difficult change in my life.  I had to learn to be depend on God, no matter what!
     That seams like such a long time ago.  I guess if I could anything to that young girl now it would be to hold on to faith and to love the peopled around you, especially your daddy.  I loved my daddy, always did and always will.  I spent many years angry at  him and withdrawn from him.  I felt the need, regrettable to keep my children from him.  I thought, and still do in some part believe, that I was acting in the best interest of my children.  I've always struggled with this decision and always will.  I pray that God and my Daddy forgive me. We lost Daddy five and a half years ago, and although I made amends with him a few days before he died, I can not get back the time I lost with him.