YOU CREATE WHAT YOU FEAR

I've always heard you reap what you sow.  I heard Dr. Phil say "We create what we fear."  When I heard this, I started to think; do I do this?  I have to admit, I think I do.

We all have normal fears.  I'm afraid of falling. ( I don't bounce back like I use to and it also hurts more.)  But most of us, if we're honest with ourselves, have phobias ~ irrational fears ~ that if our left to our on imaginations, can cripple us.

One of my phobias is:

Autophobia, also called monophobia, isolophobia, or eremophobia, is the specific phobia of isolation; a morbid fear of being egotistical, or a dread of being alone or isolated. Sufferers need not be physically alone, but just to believe that they are being ignored or unloved

While I'm not afraid of the act of being left alone for a short time, like when the kids are at school and Barrett is at work, I am afraid of being abandoned and not being able to take care of myself.  When I was little, This fear wase directed at my Mama.  When I got married, the fear was redirected to my husband, Barrett.  When my kids were little I was afraid my kids would be taken away from me because someone would deem me as a unfit mother.

The thing about phobias, at least in my case, is that  my first instinct is to take care of my self.  In doing this, my first reaction is fight or flight.  I get upset and fight for and/or against whatever conflict is facing me so that I can take care of myself.  If I feel like if I'm about to be abandoned, then I'm going to control how and why I'm being abandoned.  If I feel like you're going to hurt me, I'm going to try and hurt you first.

The problem with this, at least for me, is that I can't always correctly perceive another person's reasoning: for example, if Barrett comes home in a bad mood, too often I think he's mad at me, when usually he's just had a bad day.

However, assumption can lead me to react in a negative way.  Thus, this causes whoever I'm reacting to is reacting in a negative way too.  By doing this I am driving a wedge between me and whoever I'm  reacting to.    It's vicious cycle.

Like I said, I've done this all my live and I've burned a lot of bridges doing so.

God is the only one that can "cure" my phobia.  I'm beginning to think He's not going to "cure", He wants to make it part of my ministry...to glorify Him.

Why did it take me so long to figure this out?