SELFISHNESS V. SELF CARE

Growing up I had this idea that as a Christina its was a sin to be selfishness,  Ironically, looking back I realize I was probably the most selfish person EVER.  My selfish, irrational behavior reaped chaos and havoc throughout my childhood home and has continued in our home today; I'm embarrassed to say you know the adage "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"  This so true!  I set the tone for The Barrett's Home Sweet Home.

I have suffer from bipolar depression and perhaps some other mental issues since I was little.  We think some of this is due to a chemical imbalance due to caused by the brain damage I suffered as birth.  I've always kind of use my actions the  are caused by my bipolar to get my way.  It's a cycle.  I want to say (and has said) I'll change, but soon as the next problem happens, everything goes.

It's taken me my whole life to realize that acting like this is part of my coping mechanism.  It gives me control of some sort, where much of my life is out of my control.  But when I lose control of my control, well; let's just say the woman's scorned fury has nothing on me.

This is where Self Care enters in.

When I think of self care, I tend to think that I need to take each thought captive and realize that every thought doesn't need to be expressed.  I need to rem, ember to take a deep breath and think before I speak.  I need  to give myself permission  to take a break; to step out of the situation to gain a clearer perspective.  I need to pray and try to see things through other's eyes if I need to.  I need to pray for myself, because if I can't truly love and pray for myself, how can I love and pray for others?