*Disclaimer-I am NOT talking about suicide here.- Disclaimer*
Self-harm is a hard subject to talk about. People naturally think; Why would anyone to hurt themselves. I think it may be easier to accept a person taking their own life than to know someone who physically hurt themselves.
All I can do is speak for myself.
For me it wasn't really about physically hurting myself, it was more of a psychological release. I get all these pent up negative that keep building up in side of me. I didn't want to physically hurt others, so hurting myself was the only logical solution.
I think it started out with the biting.. It was the easiest thing to do when I was little. I never bit myself hard enough to cause pain, It a cry out of frustration. Biting myself was easy. The a close proximity of my arm to my mouth allowed me to bite myself, often without anyone even noticing.
Hitting myself was, is, a 2 ply reaction. The is the natural, in the moment, state of hitting the side of the head with close fists. This wast more obvious and was used when I wanted people to see my frustrations.
Then there was the there was the head banging. I would literally bang my head against the wall. I mostly did this one in private. I believed, and I wish I could say this belief was only when I was little, that if brain damage caused the CP and all its problem , then maybe it I caused more brain damage would reverse it...(Yeah, didn't think one out clearly.).
My latest vice is pulling my hair out. This goes from simply my hair gently pulling my hair one strand at a time to ripping out fistfuls of hair. . This too can be done in a minuscule way so no one knows you doing it. If I keep my hair put up, I'm less likely to pull it
So, that's the ugly, uglier and ugliest of self harm.
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