I HEAR VOICES!
Now, before you jump to conclusions (Mama), they aren't telling me that I'm an alien who seeks world domination. (those are, of course, confidential!!!)
I do, however, hear the voices of doubt...regret... self-loathing...pride...insecurities...blame...and...and...the list goes on and on and on...
Yes, these voices are audible. Sometimes the voices are ones I recognize and sometimes they aren't.
They are constantly telling me that I'm a failure. That nothing I ever do is good enough. The voices say that if you had acted or said something in another way; the "correct" way, you'll be liked and accepted.
Musician John Spence said that "We often talk to ourselves in ways that we would never let a stranger or even a close friend talk to us."
We put ourselves down. We don't feel like we're worthy enough to feel good about ourselves. Sometimes, others put us down and other times our surroundings and the things around us dictate our self-worth.
I almost feel, no I do feel like I have acceded the number of blessings that a person should get in their lifetime.
I feel bad because I was blessed in ways that other people in my situation were not.
Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for everything I have!!!
But, it makes me wonder, WHY? What did I do to deserve to be this blessed?
Truth is, I've only achieved what I have through the grace of GOD
Olin Miler, senior finance manager at Amazon, said: "You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do."
Even with friends and family, most of them are too busy and /or self-absorbed to think too much about what we think or feel, and many times, even what we do and say.
John Spence also said; "Some people don't notice the things others do for them until they stop doing them."
My parents taught me to be strong and confident. I thought I could
conquer the world. It turns out that conquering that world didn't look like I thought it would. (I've go to remember, that like Psalm 23
that the LORD is our SHEPARDand that HE leads us in the way we should go.). HE wants me to conaquer the world for HIM and in HIS timing; not mine
As I got older, as many people do, I started to listen and believe the lies of the DEVIL.
Sometimes, my Bipolar and its voices make it hard to distinguish right from wrong; fact from fiction. It's like walking a tightrope over a lion's den; one misstep and you're going to be supper.
Like I said before, I can't blame my Bipolar for my sin. I have done it millions of times. God knows the difference between my sins and my mental issues.
The more in tune with GOD I am, the quieter the voices become.
No comments:
Post a Comment